Spilling my coffee/beans...

Wow, it's been a long time

2009-10-02T10:59:00.009-05:00

Wow- it's been a long time since I've posted. Guess I haven't had any thoughts worth sharing since last March. That, or I just haven't had the time (or desire) to sit and type about them.

Anyhoo, a few big post-worthy things going on here. At least I think so. Firstly, we got a puppy. That makes three dogs. Doesn't that qualify us as a farmette or something? Petting zoo? Sure feels like it. Our new addition is a poma-poo. Another 'designer breed' for us 'designer' folks. His name is Mickey and he came from a local no-kill shelter & what a sweetie he is. Now if he would just stop peeing and JUMPING THE FENCE. Little bugger. He isn't much taller than my ankle, but can bounce like a kangaroo and up over the fence he goes. No worries, he now gets tethered to a dog stake in the ground. Enough trying to find a black dog in a neighborhood without street lights. Good times.

Secondly, the middle dog, Henry, our goldend00dle knocked me down the stairs a few weeks ago and I landed on my back with a lumbar sprain. Nothing like lumbar spasms to put you out. I have a new respect for those with chr0nic back pain. Not fun. At all. The heating pad is my friend. And I now think out jetted tub was the best purchase we ever made. I'm on the mend and I'm a mom, gotta suck it up and move on. Besides, my sweet (ahem) son told me I was "lounging around and telling everyone what to do" - gotta love that. Yep, he got an earful for that one.

And lastly, and most importantly, I HAD THE TALK. What talk you ask? THE TALK. I did it. I dreaded it. Like contemplated a few drinks before doing it, dreaded it. But I did it (without alcohol too).

I posted about a book a few years ago but have had it tucked away above the refrigerator since then because he (I) wasn't ready. Well, two weeks ago when we had a quiet afternoon (hubby occupied the little lady) we sat down with the book. I broke the book into sections and read it over several 'sessions'. Before each discussion I reiterated the importance of him NOT sharing the information discussed with other kids, as it is their parents decision when to discuss it with them. I made him repeat it too. Oh Lord, I hope he listened.

I highly recommend a book for the discussion, if for nothing else, to avoid eye contact. Seriously. I'm a nurse and was anxious about talking about erecti0ns. The book covered everything from what happens to girls and boys bodies during puberty (and EVERYTHING that goes along with that), anatomical pictures, S T diseases, family values, adoption and reinforces what "good and bad touch" means. Certainly covered more than I would have thought to talk about. There were two cartoon characters, a bird & bee of course, who started the book and commented throughout and my son chose to be their voice and it kept the discussion silly - which was much needed. Mostly for me. My son enjoyed learning about the 'facts' and even thanked me. Yep, you read that right. My 10-year-old THANKED ME. A miracle I say.

Now that we finished our discussions we have told the little man that if he has ANY questions and is embarrassed to ask to write it down and stick it in an envelope for us and we will respond in writing - assuming he wouldn't want to talk about it.

Whew!. It's over. That's all I can say about the talk. One down and one to go (a few years away thankfully). The second time around can't be as bad as the first. Right?

...Just in case you've wondered why my hubby didn't have 'the talk' with the boy - well, he believes he can learn about the facts of life from his friends like he did. So tag, I'm it.

...FYI, it was NO WHERE as bad as I had anticipated. I HIGHLY recommend a book with comics. Or alcohol. Whichever works.

Lessons from jumping rope

2009-03-19T08:12:00.006-05:00

Learning life lessons from our children is one of the blessings of parenthood - but you need to be paying attention to get the message. I wanted to share one here. For Christmas our little lady got a jump rope in her stocking which she used as a belt or tied it to things to pull around. A few weeks ago she decided to use it for its intention - jumping.

Day after day after day she practiced. We watched give it her all as she hook it around her ponytail, her neck, her legs, kitchen chairs, toys, the dogs or whatever was in her way as she tried to jump the rope. We would cheer her on, but at times it was painful to watch her lack of progress, knowing how hard she was working. However one day as I was REALLY paying attention to what she was doing, I noticed how happy she was to just be trying. A smile of pure joy was on her face and she was having FUN. Yep, she was having fun as she tried. I know this isn't a new concept - but sometimes I need a reminder and If I wasn't paying attention I would have missed it - the lesson - it's not about conquering something new, it's about remembering to enjoy the whole process, stumbling and all.

If I never again, I'll be better for it...

2009-02-23T15:38:00.002-05:00

Yesterday we had my sister J's intervention. Not something that I ever want to do again - I'm not a fan of confrontation. No professional was contacted, but we did do our homework on how to host (sounds like a party) an intervention - from the ambush, letters, expectations, immediate treatment options and consequences. The big consequence if she didn't accept our help was legal action to get K out of her care.

J seemed relieved and she agreed to all our our expectations. As of today, she has made the first steps to getting well. She is at my parent's home now with K and no access to, well, anywhere without supervision since she is sans vehicle and license.

Oh yeah, and of course crack-head-good-for-nothing boyfriend (K's dad) has been calling and bullying J since she was the only paycheck between the two of them. He has said that we have "brainwashed her" and that she "has left him to die alone in the hotel." Yep, that was our goal (sarcasm here).

Keeping my fingers crossed.

First day of preschool

2009-02-19T09:28:00.003-05:00

OK, the last two posts were a little negative, so I needed to post something positive. The title of the 'Saint I am not' post has a little story behind it that I'll be sure to share later - it has to do with my mother & her praying the finish off of her rosary beads.

After a zoo-of-a morning getting pony tails in, hunting for lost shoes, shoveling in breakfast, teeth brushing and picture taking.... Miss K had her first day of preschool. I've provided a little glimpse of the munchkin with her pigtails. Boy, was she squealing with excitement. My other sister, K, went out yesterday & bought my neice, K, new shoes, clothes and winter coat for her first day of school (in the picture, K was stomping her feet so she could see her new sneakers light up - sweet).

**Off topic: my Mom, step-Dad, sister and I will be having a little intervention with J this weekend. The cards will be placed on the table with what we are willing to help her out with - of course, her drug problem will be addressed. If she doesn't acquiesce, we will step in legally on K's behalf. Scott will be taking the kids out for the sh!t-hitting-the-fan party.

A saint I am not

2009-02-18T08:12:00.002-05:00

Since K has been here my patience has been tried a hundred times over. Every day has been a challenge. Juggling two toddlers a 9 yr old, with activities, homework, work schedules and everything else that comes along with parenting, I'm exhausted. I had no idea that one extra child would kick my arse. By time the kids go to bed, I'm nearly dragging myself to my bed & flopping, often without even changing clothes (I'm lucky to brush my teeth). My kids are also showing signs of emotional wear from K's neediness - I'm reminding them daily to stop parenting her.

Probably my greatest challenge has been having to control my feelings about my sister. J cleans houses and gets there by walking from the seedy hotel each morning to get a ride from a coworker. She calls my house daily from the people's homes where she is cleaning. (!!!!!) Seriously - what is beneath my sister? Back to my frustration. I keep composure with J because she can be impulsive and spiteful with little care of anyone, so I tread those waters lightly not wanting her to say, I'm (pestering someone for a ride) coming up there & getting my daughter. If it were to come down to that we would have to get Children & Family Services involved, get an attorney & Lord knows what headaches that would entail.

So, I bite my tongue when I have to buy K socks, pajamas, clothes, toothbrush because she doesn't have any. I bite my tongue when I helped K out of the van a few days ago and she says "Cops are nice, they help me out of the car...Cops are nice...they took my mommy's car...daddy went to jail" or when we're in the car playing a kid's CD & K says my favorite song is W0manizer by Spit-in-me Beers (get it?). Not to mention the umpteen times she has said "Shut up....This sucks...You're stupid" or any other lovely words that fly out. I cringe. I act as if all is well when dingbat J calls even though I feel like chewing her a new one.

And lastly, evidence to prove I'm no saint. If you asked me if I cared about what people think of me, I'd answer 'No'. However, that statement isn't all true, because many times this week, I have been embarrassed by K's actions in public. I know this is terrible to think this way about an innocent little girl (as I said, I'm no saint), but it's true. Example: while waiting for my son to finish his guitar lesson last night, K was lying on the floor, taking off her shoes & socks, sticking out her tongue at me, jumping off the steps (that has a bold sign above that says 'Keep children off the steps') as she was telling me to "shut up" and squealing as she ran from me, I wanted to say aloud "come on honey, let's call your mommy" just so those watching our dysfunctional circus would know that I'm not her mom. And by the way, I had my daughter at the dr's yesterday and she acted the same way and even the pediatrician stepped in & corrected her. A loooooong day.

I feel frustrated, and guilty because I feel that way. I feel horrible because I say 'No' to K so many times throughout the day. I try to redirect, but I'm not very successful at that. I could use a drink, and I'm not much of a drinker. Maybe just an afternoon away and a pedicure would suffice.

Note: Next week's activities K will be going to my mom's.

And one more makes THREE....

2009-02-07T11:40:00.001-05:00

Wow, where to begin? My sister, J, is a mess. Serious mess. J is the mother of four kids, three by her husband, who she divorced 6 yrs ago & one by the drug-addicted boyfriend, M, who she was sleeping around with while she was still married. Get all that? Like I said, she's a mess. Thankfully she left her three children with her husband who is a hard worker and dedicated dad - she had never been in any shape to care for her kids - she also is a drug addict. That leaves K, my sister (and M's) 3 yr old daughter.

Over the last 6.5 yrs since J left her husband & three older kids, she has bounced from one apartment to another, one job to another and is always finding herself in a bind, asking my parents for cash, rides, food or whatever. She and M do not have driver's licenses (both revoked) or a car - due to lifestyle and choices. As of last summer J, M & K have been living in a one bedroom apartment with 'friends' who are fellow drug users & heavy drinkers. Then in December, J calls my mom & tells her she is sleeping on someone's couch and that she & K needed somewhere to go. My mom picked them up, provided them with food & clothes and offered them a place to live. All is well right? Nope, see there's still t he drugs. J & K didn't stay there long.

For the past two weeks J, M & K have been living in a seedy motel room with another 'friend' - one room, one bed and three drug-addicted adults and a three year old girl. Not good. So last week, after several sleepless nights, Scott & I decided to track J down and offer for K to stay with us until she gets her life in order. Which could be three months or never. She willingly agreed - she seemed relieved that she didn't have to deal with the responsibilities of a child anymore.

Needless to say, because of J's lifestyle, we don't have a close relationship - which means we have had to really get to know K since they moved in with my mom & over the past few days. Sadly, the neglect is really evident in her lack of social skills & poor diet. We are having the battle of wills to allow her to exist on milk & buttered noodles or candy.

Our little man is feeling bombarded with little girls & we've allowed him to have his boundaries & space (girl free) and he seems satisfied with that. Our little lady is having fun with a constant friend (who is learning how to interact & enjoying it), but will sometimes turn to me & ask when K is going home. We're trying to keep the kids busy, so K gets caught up in the fun & then gets worn out for a good nights rest - she seems to be OK that she is here with a bed to sleep in & toys to play with. So damn sad.

What a flipping saga. This seems like a good place to vent & surely they'll be much more venting ahead, and hopefully good stories of progress too.

Drugs suck.

Mock elections gone bad

2008-11-11T13:31:00.004-05:00

You know how many schools hold 'mock elections' for kids to participate in? Well, that's all well & good...great even, to teach kids to learn about and to get involved with the election process. But there's more to the election process and political parties than casting a ballot & those lessons are just as important, if not more so. My nephew, who is in 5th grade, had a mock election and when three kids who voted for the 'other candidate' heard who he voted for, they beat him up. CRAZY. This makes me sad for so many reasons. I hope that his school takes this unfortunate situation and turn it into an opportunity to teach about civility.

Election Day

2008-11-04T09:36:00.004-05:00

Well, the big day is here. Although I have my opinion on who I'd like to see in the big seat, I am almost more excited about the elections being over than seeing my choice of candidate win. Is that bad? Honestly, I appreciate the political process, glad that we have such a thing, but I've just had enough. Enough robo-calling, enough commercials, enough information overload, enough political divide in our country and of course, enough bashing. Good grief, enough is enough. I will not lose a night's sleep over who wins, I will trust in the process and hope that our country moves in a good direction over the next four (+) years.

Shortly, I will drive to our local polls, cast my ballot and move along. Done. Yippee!

Funny election story...
We are fortunate that we do not have long lines at our local polls, that's a plus of country living, I guess. So, with that said, we have always taken our kid(s) with us when we have voted, whether it's local elections, the primaries or the big ones. When our little man was in preschool we had just finished voting & a person working the polls asked Brent if he voted, his reply "Yep, we want George Washington to be president." Needless to say, he got laughs all around. Followed by several "Me too" and "He's a good choice" comments. So cute.

Couldn't say it better myself

2008-11-03T12:16:00.003-05:00

This man is probably the only Republican I would consider voting for if he were to run for President - I trust this man's level headed judgement and experience, making me feel even more confident in my choice this election.

Sugar, Sugar, Sugar

2008-11-01T08:01:00.006-05:00

Mmmmm sugar, it kept these trick-or-treaters buzzing for hours last night until they crashed. Hard.
The little man was an evil ninja warrior guy (?) and the little lady was a flapper (last minute we realized that the headband was too small for her squash, so she sported a tiara instead - guess that made her queen flapper).

(I ate my share of sweets as I doled it out last night - note to self...hit the treadmill today)

Send prayers, good thoughts and LOVE...

2008-10-16T19:29:00.003-05:00

Several years ago I had the pleasure of meeting Stephanie through our adoption blogs, then in person and have since become friends. She is a wonderful wife and mother, she is creative, she is an amazing cook, she has a great sense of humor, she is a good friend, she is an amazing woman and she has breast cancer. Stephanie is sharing her journey to beat this beast on her blog C is not for Cookie where her strength and honesty is awe inspiring and will make you cry. Tomorrow, Stephanie is going in for yet another surgery, so if you get the chance, drop over and send her some prayers, good thoughts and LOVE.

FUNNIEST CLIP EVER

2008-09-14T10:41:00.005-05:00

It doesn't matter which side of the political table you sit, this video is hilarious. Side-splittingly funny. You know the saying, 'there's much truth in comedy'. That's what makes it funny, right? I'm warning you, pee first then click HERE. Gotta love SNL!

Scott is a lousy wife

2008-09-06T13:28:00.005-05:00

Is it mean to say that my husband makes a lousy wife? Let me back up & explain...
Our humble homestead has experienced many role shifts in the past three years - me being a SAHM to part-time student to full-time student, to full-time employee and the latest is my hubby being a SAHD since June 25th. While attending my nursing school car pool buddy and dear friend's graduation party, Scott went to spike a volleyball and blew out his knee (no, that's not the real medical term, but the status of his meniscus isn't the point of my post).

Onto the role changes. As I have been enduring the brutality of nursing orientation and realizing how much I still have to learn, the hubster has been holding down the fort (loosely, I might add) as he is nursing his knee. Scott has taken over the duties of caring for the kiddoes during the day, preparing meals, food shopping, laundry & other household chores. It has been trying to say the least. Here's the top 10 things that I've learned about Scott's SAHD skills:

1. He takes spends way too much time on the internet looking for recipes to cook for dinner, that require odd ingredients & he ends up making daily trips to the market. (we've been working on weekly meal planning & gathering all ingredients - now there's a concept, huh?)

2. He has not a lick of fashion sense (although this isn't a new discovery) and dresses the kids in outfits that could precipitate a seizure. **a brief description of one of Allison's fashion misadventures is below.

3. It is not unlikely that when I would get home kids are still sporting PJ's - and yep, they had been out riding bikes or playing in the yard dressed like that.

4. Bologna and potato chips is an OK lunch in his book. What? Nutrition? Nope, doesn't even cross his mind. And as mentioned before, he's taken over the marketing - processed crap ends up in our fridge & pantry.

5. He has bought a Swiff*r rinky dink mop thingy & thinks that's the only tool necessary to keep a house clean.

6. My kids have watched waaaaaay toooo much television and know the names of the hosts for the following television shows: Dirty J0bs, Dead*liest Catch and Ca$h Cab - all of which my husband watches with addiction.

7. He gets cranky often because he's bored with the mundane chores of being a SAHD.

8. He has learned to nag about things like the kids leaving dirty clothes on the floor. (Only certain times of the month. I think maybe he has developed a case of PMS.)

9. He has become fluent with text messaging me at work with things such as "Do your blue scrub pants go in the dryer?" Oiy. Can't you see the urgency in that unanswered dilemma? No, seriously, I don't mind, it just shows me how bored he is.

10. And last but NOT AT ALL least, his ass needs to get back to work!

**An example of my daughter's fashion misadventure: I came home the other day to find Allie wearing a dress that she outgrew (on BACKWARDS) with a skirt, water shoes as her footwear and underneath of the lovely ensemble, her waist was through a leg hole of her underwear. Lord help me, she went to the market & library like that. All she was missing were the snow boots, red juice mustache and mullet.

Yep, the minute Scott goes back to work, I'm asking to be cut back to part time - if not, my kids will be scarred for life.

In Scott's defense, he is a hard worker, good provider & decent guy - he's just a lousy wife.

two posts in one day - that's a record

2008-08-09T10:54:00.006-05:00

Allie has been trying to grow her bangs out (her idea) & we've given it our best shot. But seriously, the hair in the eyes drove me CRAZY. We must own every hair accessory ever mass produced - but a barrette would last all of about five minutes and then would be dropped onto the floor or stuffed in between a couch cushion. What grated my nerves the most is that I'm working full time for the next few months & Scott has been a stay-at-home dad all summer while he's recovering from a knee injury & surgery and needless to say, he isn't much of a hairstylist. Bad enough her outfits didn't always match when he'd be out on the town doing errands or to the park, but her hair was always hanging in her face. I had had enough - out with the scissors and back with the bangs. Ahhhh, much better. Love that sweet face!

Wow, long time, no post

2008-08-09T09:45:00.009-05:00

The kids made mini marshmallow shooters out of pvc piping - so much fun.

I've turned into such a lousy blogger. Life has been a crazy-busy lately, and the thought of sitting down and putting my thoughts on the keyboard just hasn't fit into my days.

We've been able to sneak in a few mini vacations this summer - a few weekends to the beach a camping weekend and have another beach weekend planned and a long weekend planned to visit New Jersey & New York (at which time we'll have the pleasure to visit with this cool Momma, who I wish lived closer) to celebrate Allie's 3rd Gotcha Day reunion (at which time we'll be celebrating with this cool Momma).

Just a little snippet about our camping trip to a nearby campground - my friend referred to as a staycation (the new 'buzz' word for the summer of high gas prices, I guess). My grandparents had always had a camper and I have not been to a campground since I was little, but I remember LOVING camping as a kid. For years, Scott & I (mostly me) have wanted a camper, so this was our little test of our camper-ability. I'm not the grab-the- tent, bug-spray and sleeping-bags camper, nope I'm the pack-the-dvd's-in-case-it-rains, bring-a-blanket-for-the-BED and air-conditioned-quarters camper. Maybe some may not refer to this kind of modern amenities 'really' camping, but it's the only kind of camping I'm willing to do. I'm not that girl who is willing to pee next to the tree, next to the tent in the middle of the night. Nor am I the girl to hike the shower goods down the lane to shower while wearing flip flops. That's not a vacation to me - that's a pain in the butt.

OK, so back to our camper-ability. We had a GREAT time, and in fact, are going back next year for a whole week. SO.MUCH.FUN. The kids were sad when we left. There were activities to do all day for the kids/family (hayrides, crafts, races, scavenger hunts, games, etc.), a water park, pool, shuffle board, arcade & much more. One night we watched a movie in the park, which the kids thought was cool. At night we lit the fire pit & of course, made s'mores. Can't wait to go again next year. Maybe in a few years, we'll be towing a camper there (once with a/c and a bathroom).

As for the no-so-fun parts about our camping trip..... Well, Scott was in charge of packing, since I was ferociously studying for the boards. He gets an 'A' for effort, but let's just say, he's not the best packer. As for bedding, yeah, well he packed several sleeping bags and one king-sized fitted sheet. So my sleeping arrangement was on the bottom bunk (full-sized-bed) with Allison on top of a spread-out sleeping bag and a fitted sheet as our blanket. Loved the fitted sheet, yep, like sleeping under a giant shower cap. Oiy. And then there was the clothes. On our first morning there I went to dress the little lady and asked the hubster where her clothes were ** deer-in-the-headlights look. No clothes for Allie. But low and behold, the little man had enough clothes for two weeks (?) so Allie wore Brent's shirts for the rest of the trip. She thought it was cool & called Brent's shirts her dresses, so all was well. Needless to say, I've resumed my role as luggage packer, hmmmmm, who's the smart one here.

Hip Hip HOORAY

2008-07-19T09:19:00.002-05:00

I found out today that I passed my boards! What a flipping RELIEF! I get to check back into life and move on.

My 'official' orientation for work starts Monday & how wonderful it will be to have Tammy *......*, RN on my badge.

Cute things kids say...

2008-07-13T13:48:00.002-05:00

The other day Allie was wading in her baby pool when her little friend started asking about her adoption and "where she was from" - Allie decided to answer the questions herself by saying "I'm only from China, right now I'm in the pool silly." She continued to go about her splashing. God, I love her.

Book Give-a-way

2008-07-03T08:42:00.002-05:00

Jump on over to Books on the Brain and enter your name for a book give-a-way - and while you're there check out some of her great book reviews, you may just find one to put on your TBR list.

Wordless Wednesday (my first)

2008-07-02T17:13:00.002-05:00

Summertime fun

2008-06-27T07:08:00.005-05:00

OK, I need to redeem myself & kiddoes from the previous grumpy post - PMS and kids that were picking at each other led up to that one. I've been sporting my cruise director hat & keeping the turkeys busy. So fun.

School's out...not sure how I feel about that

2008-06-19T09:20:00.002-05:00

The little man's school ended last Friday & although I'm glad to have more freedom from the crazy scheduling (since baseball season ended too), it now time for me to be creative & come up with things to do with the kiddoes. If they don't have something to occupy their time, they pick at each other & then I find myself playing referee (and that job sucks) - or they'll stare at the television with that glazed look on their face as their brains are being sucked out of their heads.

It's not easy coming up with things to do everyday - we have a few short trips to the shore and to a campground scheduled, but my creativitiy only goes so far. Allie goes to her preschool/daycare two days per week through the summer, which is good for her & lets her see her friends.

Brent has friends in the neighborhood his age, but there are only two little girls Allie's age in our neighborhood & one, well let me say, has some attitude issues that Allie likes to imitate whenever they play together - the other one is the daughter of the very large Christian home-schooling family behind us & we kind of keep our distance from them (that's a whole post in itself). So there's the poor little lady telling me she doesn't have anyone to play with whenever she sees Brent with his buds. Or, if Brent's friends aren't around I have him telling me he's "bored" and the two of them picking - UGH. I've hosted some play dates here for the lady recently, but I'm not doing that every day.

So here I am, trying to think of activities to do or who we can call to come over - while trying to avoid carting them all over creation to fill their days - not only because of ridiculous gas prices, it's not environmentally friendly either.

We have toys, bikes, bubbles, trampoline, swingset, balls, basketball hoops and countless other things to play with - and they claim that they're bored. The carnival can't come to town everyday. What ever happened to just running through the sprinkler? (well, they do love the sprinkler, but only if they have other friends here to do it with them - oiy)

OK, enough complaining - I need put my cruise director hat on & find these turkeys something to do today....

First day on the job tomorrow

2008-06-04T14:24:00.003-05:00

Tomorrow I start my new job - I chose to do some shadowing hours (aka: following a nurse on my unit like a puppy) prior to orientation in July. I'm nervous, and I'm usually not nervous in new situations but it's been sooooo long since I've worked. Yes, I know parenting is "work" but not in the same sense. I have recently had my feet wet with school, but this is different - I'm an EMPLOYEE. Seems so weird. It feels like the first day in a new school as a kid.....I hope they're nice. I hope I have someone to sit with in the cafeteria. :0)

At least I don't have to worry about what I'm going to wear. Scrubs rock!

bittersweet

2008-05-30T14:34:00.002-05:00

Last Friday was my graduation day (as I mentioned in the previous post). It was such a proud moment for me, as I fiddled my way through college many years ago and never finished. Nor did I ever pick a major, I was pursuing a bachelor's in Liberal Studies (could that be any more generic?) because I didn't know what I wanted to do when I grew up. But that's a whole different post.

So back to the proud moment - I was up on the stage feeling a sense of accomplishment (sporting my "Marcus Welby" outfit - ha! ha! J.) and I heard Allison SHOUT out (stressing the shout here) "HI MOMMY!" - then as we were leaving the stage I see Brent waiting in the isle with a dozen roses and he says "YEAH, I GOT MY MOM BACK!" Ouch! There it was, big as life, what it took for me to be there - pushing my kids aside as I had to study, write papers, read or fly out the door to another clinical day/experience. My family was really strained over these past few years. The guilt of being so checked out nearly killed me. I HATED telling my daughter, "No, I can't read another book to you, I have to study" or saying to my son, "Sorry I can't come help out in your school" or "I can't play a game with you, I have a paper to write". Not to mention telling the hubster "No, I'm not in the mood" All. The. Time. (OK, TMI)

God, I'm so flipping glad it's OVER. Now, I get to go to work and come home. That's it. No crap hanging over my head that's due the next day. No tests, papers or last minute bull crap to hand in and be graded. Hallelujah!

BTW, I'll always remember seeing my kids cheer for me - brings tears to my eyes just thinking about their sweet little faces out in the crowd.

Referral day, three years later....

2008-05-26T10:55:00.005-05:00

Well, I'm a little late with this posting, but for good reason. Friday, May 23rd marked the three year anniversary of receiving Allison's referral (And was my graduation day from nursing school).

I LOVE to reflect back on that day to remember the excitement that is just indescribable and only understood by other a-parents who have experienced the joy of Referral Day. I also like to think of how much our lives have been made richer because of Allison. She has taught us so much with her little princess-tomboy personality (a girl who digs for worms sporting a tiara). She is so cool. How did we get so lucky?

And yeah, don't make fun of me in the dorky nurse cap & outfit - no, I didn't lose a bet, it's tradition.

So terribly sad

2008-05-22T05:41:00.002-05:00

I read this on an adoption board today. My heart aches for this family. So sad.

DONE

2008-05-13T14:57:00.003-05:00

After what felt like forever, I'm FINALLY done school! For good! (Well, maybe until Allie goes to school full time & I go back. But don't tell my family or they'll kill me.)

I think I've aged in dog years since deciding to go to to school to pursue a nursing career. Not sure what the hell I was thinking, but it's over & I'm looking forward to starting my job in July. For now, it's time to relax, enjoy my family, and catch up on some good books. Oh yeah, somewhere in between the fun stuff I'll be studying for the boards.

Fairy princesses and such

2008-02-19T18:16:00.002-05:00

Warning: this post is all about me (but it is my blog). Anyhoo, I've never been a girly-girl. Even though I have two sisters and was raised by a single mom, as a kid I preferred buiding forts and riding bikes over barbies. Have always been a jeans and sneakers girl. Yes, I wear make-up and jewelry (minimal to both), but I'd rather put hot pokers in my eyes than to sport pantyhose or uncomfortable clothing (guess it's good that I'll be working in a field where I get to wear scrubs - SWEET!). OK, I digress.

The real girly stuff is foreign to me and low and behold, my daughter LOOOOOVES anything princessey. If I dare try to put sweat pants on my daughter, watch out - like cryptonite to Superman. Oiy, the drama. THE DRAMA. It's all about the dresses. Again, being raised in an only female household, you'd think I'd be prepared. Well, I'm not. But I'm trying. Every day I put my game face on and act (act, being the operative word here) that I enjoy playing princess and prince make-believe with Allie. It's hard to hold my tongue and not say "don't wait for your prince to come honey, you just need to rely on yourself & if he shows up ask him to join you, not rescue you." But, of course, I just smile and play along. It's just a game, right? I REALLY want to be supportive of ANYTHING my children love (anything legal, that is). But, this issue rips me from my comfort zone.

Note the picture of above with Princess Allison is sleeping in her favorite attire - tutu, high heels and necklaces. Her tiara fell on the floor. Seriously.

I've had this discussion with a dear friend (hi KatieJ) about what the label "princess" entails - weakness, sense of entitlement, bratty. And although my daughter prefers to wear aything pink, frilly or gaudy, she is none of those things. Miss Allie fell asleep in the playroom yesterday after an afternoon playing outside - she was flying a kite, riding her bike, playing tag and getting dirty with her brother. Cool.

I'll never enjoy the girly-girl stuff, but I'll always like seeing my daughter find things that make her happy. And how cute is that picture anyway?

Ooooh, I can't wait...

2008-02-05T18:24:00.000-05:00

Oh man, I just got Jodi Picoult's latest newsletter & a description of her newest book (due out early March). I CAN NOT wait to dive into this one. Sounds riveting. Can you tell I'm a HUGE fan of hers? Yep, sure am.

I copied & pasted this from the newsletter:

Shay Bourne - New Hampshire’s first death row prisoner in 69 years – has only one last request: to donate his heart post-execution to the sister of his victim, who is looking for a transplant. Bourne says it’s the only way he can redeem himself…but with lethal injection as his form of execution, this is medically impossible. Enter Father Michael Wright, a young local priest. Called in as Shay’s spiritual advisor, he knows redemption has nothing to do with organ donation – and plans to convince Bourne. But then Bourne begins to perform miracles at the prison that are witnessed by officers, fellow inmates, and even Father Michael – and the media begins to call him a messiah.

Could an unkempt, bipolar, convicted murderer be a savior? It seems highly unlikely, to the priest. Until he realizes that the things Shay says may not come from the Bible…but are, verbatim, from a gospel that the early Christian church rejected two thousand years ago…and that is still considered heresy.Change Of Heart looks at the nature of organized religion and belief, and takes the reader behind the closely drawn curtains of America’s death penalty. Featuring the return of Ian Fletcher from Keeping Faith, it also asks whether religion and politics truly are separate in this country, or inextricably tangled. Does religion make us more tolerant, or less? Do we believe what we do because it’s right? Or because it’s too frightening to admit that we may not have the answers?

A Spoonful of Sugar...

2008-02-04T08:26:00.000-05:00

My Mom turned 60 last month and instead of a party, my sister and I treated her to a day in the Big Apple - which included her first Broadway show, Mary Poppins. The show was FANTASTIC! Nothing I could say about the Mary Poppins could do it justice, except if you get the chance, see it - I'm still humming the tunes.

We ran into Samuel L. (although, everyone runs into him outside of THE waxy museum).

Since we were in Times Square, we had to check out the LITTLE ice rink (pics a little dark, but it was, well, dark out).

Couldn't visit NYC without strolling in THE Park. I took many pics of this area, Bethesda fountain. Beautiful!

This is me & the birthday girl, just after indulging in the BEST Tiramasu EVER - we were still amped up from the sugar and coffee - YUM! We ate at the brick-oven pizza restaurant near 42nd & Broadway (behind Hard Rock) - everything was scrumptious, especially the Tiramasu.

Anyhoo, for a few country bumpkins, we navigated the city well on the subway - a far cry from the way I'm used to getting around. The pace is fast, but exhilarating. Thankfully, I wore comfy shoes, cause we walked our asses off (well, I wish I walked some of mine off). Good times!

Wooohooo!

2008-01-15T17:53:00.000-05:00

Yep, it's finally happened - I've landed a job. Got the offer today that secured an RN position in an Orthopedic unit of a large hospital. Holy crap - MOM'S GOT A JOB! To top things off, they're giving me a hefty sign on bonus in a few weeks, even though I don't start until the summer. Crazy. I haven't had a job (paycheck) in over eight years. I won't know how to act. Right now, I'm gonna celebrate!

HAPPY 2008!

2007-12-31T08:35:00.000-05:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

When I was younger I often wondered why the big hoopla about resolutions and big celebrations when January 1st is no different than December 31st. The weather is the same, our routine is the same. What's the big deal? But as I get older (young older), it means much more to me. It's a symbolic time for new beginnings - leaving the ugly things from the previous year behind. A clean slate. Although I'm not a big resolution maker, I do subconsciously think about ways that I want to change or make amends. Here's a little (ahem) list I've got going

stop yelling at the kids (yes, I sometimes yell - not scream, but yell - not good)
stop with sarcastic remarks to the hubster (although he asks for it - it's still not nice)
stop procrastinating (yes, I can be the queen of procastination)
keep my car clean(er) (oiy vey, what you could find in my car - I could have a scavenger hunt in there)
take the time for date nights with the hubs (baaaad, but we NEVER do it - our last date night was our 10th anniversary, and this year we'll be married 14 years - GASP!)
get healthier (no need to explain how this should be done)
turn 40 (nothing I can do about this, but it's hitting me like cold water - 40 is the new 30, right?)

And last, but NOT least - too huge for a 'bullet'....GRADUATE! (And pass the boards, of course) When I decided to go to nursing school (this is not my first go around at college) in 2004, 2008 seemed so far away - now it's finally here, and it feels great.

So what's on your list? Is it something you can share?

Hope 2008 is filled with wonderful suprises and a lifetime of good memories for you.

CHEERS!

"The BEST Christmas EVER!" ...

2007-12-26T09:44:00.000-05:00

..."The BEST Christmas EVER!" - this is what my son said as he was going to bed last night. Seriously, could that be any sweeter? He says this every year. It makes me smile.

I've posted way too many pics from Christmas Day, but they say so much about our holiday. If you can't read the note left by Brent it reads "Santa, How old are you? From, Brent" - He decided to leave this note after he asked me how old Santa was & I told him I didn't know. Hmmm, he's starting to question.

Ahhhh, the excitement of coming down on Christmas morning. Brent, coming down the stairs patiently, waiting for his sister. Magical!

Yes, consumerism at its finest. What can I say?

How freaking cute? Rock on! Brent has an acoustic guitar, but has mentioned (pestered) for many months for an electric one. He wants lessons in the worst way. Soon, I guess. He has even taken to growing his hair longer. We're compromising on this one. No tattoos yet. Mommy gets one first. ;0)

Too cute not to share.

She's digging the cheerleading kit (video & accessories) - she shook these things all day. Even made everyone join in on the cheers. So damn funny. I'm so anti anything princess(ey) or too frilly - but I keep my opinions to myself, since I want her to develop her own sense of self. By the end of the day even I was getting into it? She's infectious. In the best way, of course.

This is more my speed. Go SCIENCE GIRL! Anyhoo, she always plays with my stethoscope, so she was THRILLED to get her own medical kit. I had to play 'patient' all day as she checked my blood pressure and listened to my heart - but after my 'check-up' she'd give me a 'shot' and then she'd take the 'bandage' scissors, tell me to "hold still" so she could cut my bangs. Freaking hilarious. I nearly pee'd laughing every time. A physical and a haircut. So funny. She even started saying, just before grabbing the 'bandage scissors', "now don't laugh Mom, I need to cut your hair."

Also, check out her face in this picture - there are pink streaks all over her right cheek (and her hands) - she fell asleep with her pom-poms and the color transferred onto her face.

We ended the night with snow cones made enthusiastically by Brent, with his new Snoopy snow cone machine. Yep, they still make these. I always wanted one as a kid & had my first ever homemade one last night. Having it made by my little man made it worth the wait.

Merry! Merry!

2007-12-24T09:34:00.000-05:00

I know this sounds Christmas card-ish, but my favorite part of the holiday(s) is making time for family traditions - baking cookies and gingerbread houses, driving around and looking at lights, decorating the tree, popping popcorn and watching old classic holiday movies. Yes, we buy into the commercialism of Christmas (somewhat). I try not to go ape-crap with gifts, but I do love the kids' excitement about Santa, it's almost magical. But for me, the greatest gifts are the holiday traditions. Because, seriously, I could buy myself a pair of gloves...

Hope your holiday is filled with good friends, good times and good health.

A book worth reading

2007-12-21T09:16:00.000-05:00

Have you read Khaled Hoss*ini's The Kite Runner? If not, it's worth reading - absolutely fabulous book, one that stays with you long after you've finished reading it. I just finished his second book A Thousand Splendid Suns last night (up until 2am) and it's just as fabulous. The lives of the main characters were disturbing - a real reminder of how great it is to live in America. I won't bother trying to describe the book, since I wouldn't do it justice and I'd probably give too much away - but click the link if you're interested in finding out more.

If you've read either book, what did you think?

Woohoo, I passed

2007-12-20T08:18:00.000-05:00

Grades came in this week from school and I passed. What a relief. I passed with a B+ (yes, the plus "+" matters to me, since I worked my ass off for that "+" - an "A" would have been nice, but really, a C=RN). So, I get to go back in 4 weeks for my LAST SEMESTER. I'll be done in May and I'm smelling a job. I'm smelling a check with my name on it (and not with "Happy Birthday" in the memo section).

big purchases and midnight vomit

2007-12-18T10:20:00.000-05:00

Warning: whiney post....

Just need to vent a little. Tis the season.. Like most folks, this time of year hits us hard in the wallet. But, on top of the usual expensive holiday hoopla, we decided to buy the little lady a "big girl bed" last weekend, since she's the monkey queen who climbs out of her crib EVERY NIGHT and climbs into her brother's bed. She has refused to sleep in the crib. She was well over due for a bed, but we were trying to hold off a little longer. At any rate, we bought the lady a bed so her brother could get some rest. Well, what broke yesterday - THE WASHING MACHINE. Great timing. OUCH! We could call a repair man, but the washer is a 15 yr old top loader that we bought in our first apartment before we were married (yes, we lived in sin). No repair person was called - a front loader is the way to go. Holy crap those suckers are expensive. Such bad timing. Bad, bad timing. But, our home now septic and well and the front loader is the wisest choice. Again, ouch on the price!

OK, we've settled on the washer and it's coming tomorrow - but what happened last night.... the boy had a case of MAJOR barfs (barfs - I'm using my medical terminology here). Oh my glory, we had vomit on...well, it would be easier to say where the vomit wasn't. Oiy vey! And of course, the hubster was working - so I was solo in my efforts to decontaminate the upstairs hall, bathroom, bedroom, boy and buckets. So why the vomit and big purchase post connection? Well, I have bags of barfed on stuff and no way to wash it - unless I want to haul the load to the creek, or worse, the laundromat. Mmmm, those items should be ripe by tomorrow when the washer comes in.

Crossing my fingers that this fun barf bug doesn't make its way into the rest of the family. Good times!

Ahhhh, I can smell the holidays

2007-12-07T17:14:00.000-05:00

Finally! The semester is OVER. OVER. Did I say that the semester is OVER? And did I mention that I only have ONE (yep, ONE) semester to go? Woohoooo, I'm so flipping excited. I've had my books and notes so far up my arse for the last week while studying, I think I need a laxative (OK, sick nursing humor). Right now, I'm ready to enjoy the holidays because my final (all four freaking hours of it) yesterday has left me feeling like a wet dish rag - and I've had headache for two days to top things off. But enough complaining, I'm ready to decorate and bake and catch up on blogs and dive into a good book (thanks to my bud, Stephanie (Written Word, Forks..) I've got a little list going of what to read next).

Here are a few pics of my little bakers from last week. Yes, the gingerbread cookies were made from scratch. Pictures to prove it.

Interesting article

2007-12-01T08:58:00.000-05:00

Ok, I took a short break from studying to check my email - here's an article worth posting (nothing earth shattering, but interesting nonetheless):

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/22045640/

The article notes - "143 million orphans worldwide." That number sits like a brick in the pit of my stomach. Seriously, I try not to live with my head up my arse. I've adopted internationally. I'm aware that there are far too many orphaned children in this world. BUT, that number is sobering. Could that be right? One. Hundred. Forty. Three. Million. Children. Without. Families.

Jumping in - be back in a week

2007-11-28T19:12:00.000-05:00

This semester is almost over, but I still have one last exam on Friday and the big-ass cumulative final a week from tomorrow. The hubster took vacation time next week so I can eat, sleep and breath my notes. Believe me, if I could use my binder as a pillow and get the information via osmosis I'd be doing it. I'm thinking about having the hubs move a recliner into the spare bedroom so I can hibernate in there and not be disturbed (might even bring in a case of water, snacks and a bucket for potty breaks).

Don't expect any commenting from me on your blogs until after next week - it's not that I don't love ya, I'm just jumping in.

See ya on the flip side (if I don't gouge my eyeballs out in the meantime).

And for your viewing pleasure I may post a few pictures of the inside of my house next week with the hubster and kids in charge (the aftermath) or I may just strike a match & start over. :0)

Oh no, I've resorted to posting about the dog....

2007-11-25T10:18:00.001-05:00

I stumbled upon this picture of Henry that was taken the week that we got him (last April) and compared it to a picture that I took yesterday. Wow, what a difference! He's like the Swan.(Henry, Spring '07)

(Henry today. People often ask what kind of dog he is, since he's a little unusual looking. Retriever with a bad home perm? Nope, he's a Golden Doodle.)

(In all fairness, I had to include a picture of Jade, the good old girl.

And yes, they're on the furniture. What can I say?)

National Adoption Awareness Month part 2

2007-11-20T18:29:00.000-05:00

(How cute is little Miss Maya in her wooly hat?)

(One of Dave's many talents. How can you not have fun at his house?)

GOOD TIMES and GOOD FRIENDS...

I was just going to put up a few pictures of a fun weekend we just had visiting friends (one of which is a fellow blogger). But, since these friends were made because of adoption, it only seemed fitting to make this part of the National Adoption Awareness post(s).

When we began our process to bring child #2 home, we had no idea how many great friends we would make through the adoption community. There is a special connection with other adoptive parents, an understanding and commonality that can only be shared amongst each other. It's great to have others who get the issues we face - no explanations necessary. Priceless. Yep, all because of adoption, new friendships are formed. What a bonus!

I value these new friends for two reasons - one, they're fun to hang out with and two, it's important to build those relationships for our daughter. Don't get me wrong, I don't expect Allie to like every child we put in her path; however, I think that our keeping the conncections going with other families like ours makes the chances of her making a lifelong friend highly probable. These special friends will be able to offer Allie things that only they can - true understanding. When our kids hit the teen years, and are struggling with identity or peer issues that relate to adoption, they will have someone who understands - again, no explanations necessary. So, as we are having a good time with our new friends, we are also offering our children the foundation of lifelong friendships. Another bonus!

This past weekend we were able to go on a mini road trip and visit with friends who we've met through adoption. We were able to spend time with three families, two of the families were from Allie's travel group and one family is Stephanie's from Forks & Chopsticks. All three families live within a short drive of each other, so it made visiting all three possible.

On Saturday we went to Stephanie's house and hung out with her hubs (Joe) and their girls (Leah & Maya). They were gracious hosts. Stephanie showed us her impressive culinary skills with a brunch menu to die for - arugala (sp?) quiche, baked french toast with orange and pecans, fruit cups with a honey and yogurt drizzle, YUM-O. We hung out and chatted for hours and then packed the cars and went to an orchard to wander around and feed the animals. Of course I couldn't leave there without buying a few apple cider donuts for the ride back to the hotel (holy moly, they were scrumptious). After we wandered the orchard we went back to the hotel to rest and then Stephanie's family met us back there and we went out to a Chinese resturant for dinner. We had the luxury of Joe ordering the delicious spread, which included steamed fish - we'll be ordering that again. (I've learned that it's unlucky to every flip a fish. I need to ask Joe if this holds true for fish sticks.) Anyhoo, we had a great time hanging out with the Forks & Chopsticks gang - and Brent and Leah play exceptionally well together (hmmm, long distance relationship brewing?). We really look forward to reciprocating the hospitality and having them down for a visit.

On Sunday we went to the home of one Dave & Donna (from Allie's travel group). Bill & Adrianne, also from the travel group, were there too. The dinner was delish, and the kids ran around and tore up the house like mad. I'm not sure who had more fun, the kids or Bill (who led the kids in a parade). There was lots of laughter, lots of eating, and lots of funny story telling. Dave and Donna were wonderful hosts - they encourage you to kick your shoes off, grab a drink and relax.

Yep, good times with good friends...

Christening Day

2007-11-11T17:33:00.000-05:00

Today, our Miss Allie was Baptized. It's about time huh? Anyhoo, the service was very sweet and we had a nice brunch back at our house with family and a few friends.

Of course I had to post a picture of the little pumpkin, who looked absolutely beautiful in her "special" dress. (It is OK to brag, right?)

National Adoption Awareness Month - part 1

2007-11-10T13:45:00.001-05:00

In light of National Adoption Awareness Month I wanted to post how I have been touched by adoption and how/why we chose China. I'm making the post a two-parter.

The hubster and I went through several years of infertility (surgeries, meds, a miscarriage and frustration). Shortly after I miscarried and Scott's parents passed away (another post) we moved. We were ready for a fresh start and had started discussing adoption. I had always been open to the thought of adoption, and we were ready to get off the infertility ride and pursue another path to build our family. Adoption was not our second choice, just a different path.

Just before Christmas in 1998 we sold our first home and moved to the neighboring town. Our new next-door neighbors were John and Mary (seriously, that's their names),who had their dossier in China and were waiting for their first child together. I'm not kidding when I say that from the moment I heard the words 'adopting from China' I knew. I'm not claiming to be psychic or have some epiphany - I just knew.

About a month after we moved, we discussed adoption again, this time including China in the conversation(s). We decided to give up the infertility meds and scheduled meetings (you know what I'm talking about - scheduled meetings). Guess what happened next? Yep, we were pregnant.

While pregnant, we were following John & Mary's journey to their daughter. They received their referral in July of 1999. I remember crying with Mary in her front yard looking at the face of their daughter, Hanna. A month later we waved them goodbye as they left to pick up their little girl. We checked in with their family regularly (obsessively) during their travels and decorated their front yard upon their return.

In October of 99, Brent arrived and we were overjoyed. I was also a little overwhelmed with what I now realize was post partum depression. It took me a good year or so to come out from that dark cloud. We then started discussing child number two and I was still convinced she/he was coming from across the pond. Scott, however, was a little hesitant. After much discussion (ahem, pestering and wearing Scott down) I started contacting adoption agencies. We (I) poured over the information, and to appease Scott, looked into every possible country. Eventually, he accepted my determination (stubborness) and we started the adoption process.

Fast forward a year, we moved again, switched agencies (yet another post) and put the paperwork on hold for a while. When we settled in our new house we picked up where we left off with the paperchasing. I was excited about the process, but to be honest, it took until our dossier was sent to China before Scott was felt the same way - that was in October 2004.

We received our referral in May of 2005. Since I've posted about her referral day before, I won't write in length about that again, except to say that seeing her face for the first time was a moment I will never forget. Yep, she was who we were waiting for - our beautiful daughter, Allison.

Tech advice needed

2007-11-08T22:29:00.000-05:00

I'm in the market for a PDA & I'm not really sure where to start. Shopping for computer stuff (or electronic anything, for that matter) is utterly confusing to me. The salesman will start rambling on about technical jargon & I'm brought back to the 5th grade math word problems...the train left the station at 4:00, going 72 mph.... I get serious shutdown. Heck, I can't even use the DVD player in the car (or house) without help from the hubster or the boy. How sad is that?

Anyhoo, there are awesome medical software programs for nursing and having the information at my fingertips when I start working will be an enormous help. I'd like to get the PDA soon so I can take a few minutes (ha ha, months) to learn how to use the thing fluently.

So, here are my questions for any PDA owner or computer techie:

What PDA do you have/recommend? (under $200, I hope)
What features would you suggest I look for? (seriously, I have no clue about speed or memory sizes)
Anything else I should consider/be aware of while shopping?

If you have any advice - thanks a million!

Trick or Treat 2007

2007-11-01T20:21:00.000-05:00

Glass half full

2007-10-26T16:38:00.000-05:00

I was in a meeting yesterday and a woman said something very simple, but very wise. Worth sharing...

"Be careful what you're looking for, because you will find it. If you are always looking for the negative in a situation, you'll find it...but, if you look for the positive, you'll find that instead. Take your pick."

Getting older...

2007-10-20T10:13:00.001-05:00

No, NOT me - I'm only 29 (for the 10th time)! I'm talking about Allison. She turned three last week and I'm seeing her change and mature every day. We (yes, I mean WE) are officially moving out of the terrible two stage. Over the past week I have noticed her being able to gain control and exercise patience - neither of which she had any of before. Seriously, I worried about her having major impulse control later in life.

I know it's not good to compare children, but Brent NEVER had nearly as much energy or impulsiveness as Miss Allie - nor did he have meltdowns like her (frequency, intensity or duration). She seriously had the patience of a gnat! And that's insulting a gnat's patience. But, BUT, this past week I have seen little Miss impatience gather control, use her manners and wait (for a few minutes) many times. Could it be? I'm seeing the light! There is a GOD!

This post isn't meant to convey that the past year has been hell with my daughter - far from it. She is a wonderful ball of energy. She has a zest for life and she is funny as heck. But, her impatience, meltdowns AND WHINING caused me to age in dog years. Her new found sense of control and little bits of maturity, have really made a difference. The kiddoes have actually fought less because of their ablity to play for long periods of time sans meltdowns. I'm LOVING it!

Since I often post about little conversations with the boy, I thought I'd share some three-year-old words of wisdom:

Allie: "I didn't grow in your belly - I grew in my China Mommy's belly. But, Brent did, right?"
Me: "Yes, honey. You grew in my heart and Brent grew in my belly."
Allie: "Well you know what Mommy? When I get bigger like you, and can be a Mommy too, YOU can grow in my belly. OK?"
Me: "OK. I bet you will have the warmest belly ever!"
Allie: "Yeah." she said, as she giggles.

How sweet is that!?!?

(I updated the post with pictures of the kiddoes - they were taken today. So freakin' cute, if I say so myself. It is a BIG deal to get two kids looking in the same direction for portraits. I felt sorry for the photographer - who used every trick she had. )

HAPPY BIRTHDAY Sweetheart!

2007-10-16T14:35:00.000-05:00

My baby turned 3 today - guess that means she's not a baby anymore. She is a curious, smart, silly, loveable, happy, energetic and brave little girl.

Allie was excited about her birthday this year and LOVED all of the attention that her special day brought. We celebrated both kids birthdays on Sunday since Brent's 8th birthday was last week. (yes, I'm lame & didn't post about the boy's birthday) We had a fun day filled with lots of kids, games, grub, prizes and loudness (oops, I mean laughter). No, seriously, it was FUN.

**Hey, anyone see the resemblance of Miss Allison with the little girl on the book cover? (She's telling me that the baby pooped in the picture) :0)

***Don't you love that balloon hat? One of Brent's buddy's dad makes balloon animals & he sent it to the party with him. Hilarious!

Neighborhood PHANTOM

2007-10-12T19:21:00.000-05:00

Each year, starting mid-October, the Phantom hits our neighborhood. For the past five years, since our neighborhood began, we all participate in a Halloween tradition of filling bags of goodies (and a few spooky treats) and leaving them on our neighbors' doorsteps. But here's the fun part.... it is done at dark, and you can't be seen - you ring the doorbell and hide, leaving the treat bag on the front porch in front of their door. Once your house is hit, you have to hang a pumpkin on your mailbox, so you're not hit again and everyone gets a turn. Boy, do the kids (and parents) get into it - often dressing in camoflage. It has turned into such a game that flashlights are kept at the front doors so they're quickly grabbed and the kids run around their yard trying to catch their Phantom. So freaking funny! I can't even tell you how excited the kids get to play and/or try to catch the Phantom. Even Allison got into it this year & she was so proud of herself that she stayed out of sight.

Maybe the Phantom can hit your neighborhood this year.....

Here's the poem that gets attached to the treat bag:

The Phantom Ghost...

The Phantom Ghost has come to town
To leave you some goodies, I see you have found.
If you do not want a curse to call
Continue this greeting, this Phantom call.

First, post a pumpkin where it can be seen
(On the door of your mailbox), leave it ‘til Halloween.
This will scare other Phantoms who may visit
Be sure to participate - don’t be a fis-bidget.

Second make two treats, and two notes like this
Deliver them to two other neighbors who may have been missed.
Don’t let them see you! Be sure to sneak, no doubt
And make sure they put their pumpkins out!

Next you have only one day to act, so be quick!
Leave it at doors where the Phantom hasn’t hit.
Deliver at dark when there is no light
Ring the doorbell, run and stay out of sight!

And last, but not least, come join in the season
Don’t worry, be happy. You need no good reason.
Be cool, have fun and remember - DON’T BE SEEN
Share in the Spirit of HALLOWEEN

Ramblings of a tired woman...

2007-10-04T16:24:00.001-05:00

Oh my God is it December yet? I'm smack in the mid semester crunch & I'm feeling the squeeze. Today we had an exam that covered a ridiculous amount of information - I've studied so much in the past week my brain hurts. Now I'm wanting to go into crash mode and not look at another 30 pound book for a few days, but no time to slow down, there's a list as long as my arm of things that I need to accomplish for tomorrow's lecture and next week's debate. Oh yeah, a debate in my medical ethics class. Lucky me. I feel like doing that like tap dancing on a mine field. I don't need to polish up my debating skills since I debate daily with my son - really, I'm good.

The nurse that I worked with during clinical this week was a real snot (and I'm being kind) - she wouldn't make eye contact with me and spoke to me (or should I say, at me) like I was an idiot. To top it off she was at least ten years younger than me - for some reason it bothered me more because she was so young. Ugh, it's not the end of the world, it just made for a miserable few days.

On a happier note, I'm several weeks into my pediatric rotation & I'm loving it. LOVING IT. My clinical group was assigned to the oncology unit and I was apprehensive about working with kids with cancer, but it's nothing what I had expected. Kids are awesomely resilient - even when sick they can find enjoyment out of little things, like playing a board game or taking a wagon ride. Ok, just typing about those amazing kids makes me feel guily about whining about my test, the impending debate and nurse Ratchet.

moving on.....

Going without clothes on...

2007-09-29T21:08:00.001-05:00

Suddenly, my blog has taken a turn south. I know that I'm often posting about conversations with my kids, but really, sometimes they just freakin' crack me up! Around 8:30 tonight I had the kids loaded in the van & we were driving Brent's buddy home. A song from the 80's was on the radio & the buddy says "hey, this song's from the Chick*n Little movie" and I said "Ooooh, I love this song....I'd sing it, but that would embarrass Brent. Hey Brent, you mind if I sing?" Brent then says "Please don't. Yeah, my mom says that she's going to come to my school without any clothes on to embarrass me." ** (those are my bug eyes) Holy shit - what did he just say! "What?" I said. Brent says "yeah, remember when we were in Targ*t and you said you were going to come to my school naked and emabarrass me?" OK, back the truck up big guy - I know where this came from....

We were in Targ*t and the kids were acting like a butt heads (I know, mature) and I give them the knock-it-off look and instead of cooling off, he dug his heels in even further and started getting mouthy. I then respond with "fine, you want to bring attention to us and embarrass me, well then, I'll show up in your school in my bath robe and slippers and show you how it feels to get unwanted attention." Maybe not my finest moment, but he got the point and cooperated. But no need to worry, I got such great deals at Targ*t that I'll be able to pay for his therapy bills later. :0)

Thankfully, I've known Brent's buddy's mom since we were kids - so there's no worries about what rumors will be started about my freaky self from the van conversation. His mom & I had a pee-yourself laugh in her driveway when I dropped him off.

Just to warn parents out there....watch what you say - it's like pass it down the lane with kids - you never know when (or how) things will get repeated. Gotta love 'em.

**oh yeah, I did ask Brent to not repeat the story again like that - it could warrant a visit from Childr*n and Family Services.

Who do me match?

2007-09-21T20:15:00.000-05:00

I know the post title isn't proper grammer, but, it's the question my little lady has been asking me lately. All. The. Time. I'm thinking her recent curiosity is stemmed from the fact that everyone who knows my husband comments on how much my little man looks like him. Who would have thought that such a little girl, just shy of three, would pick up on this. But, she hears EVERYTHING.

The conversation goes like this:

Allie: Mommy, who do me match?
Me: What honey?
Allie: Mommy, what color are Brent's eyes?
Me: Blue.
Allie: What color are Daddy's eyes?
Me: Blue.
Allie: What color are your eyes?
Me: Blue.
Allie: What color are my eyes?
Me: Brown.
Allie: NO! My eyes are blue too.
Me: You have beautiful brown eyes.
Allie: NO! My eyes are blue like yours!
Me: You want your eyes to look blue too?
Allie: Yes. (she says with a sad pouty face)
Me: Well guess what? Your hair is brown AND my hair is brown!
Allie: YEAH! WE MATCH! (She then gets so excited to hear more)
Me: Yes, and you are a girl and I am a girl.
Allie: YEAH! WE MATCH AGAIN!
Me: And your middle name is Marie and my middle name is Marie.
Allie: YEAH! WE MATCH! (She then gives me the biggest bear hug)

I seriously have considered calling my eye doctor and ordering brown contact lenses. But, I'm not going to. It makes my heart ache to know that Allie is trying to find out who she "matches" - I just always want her to know that she matches us perfectly.

Where the hell is that wand when I need it?

2007-09-15T09:01:00.000-05:00

My little man lost his 8th tooth two nights ago while sleeping. So, once again, I had to strap on my wings (black cat burgular suit) and play tooth fairy since the hubster was working. I do not enjoy being the fairy. Yes, I LOVE childhood magic and LOVE the excitement of my little man proudly showing off his cash left under his pillow, but a fairy I am not.

Here's my list of why this job causes me such angst:
1. I always fear that I'll forget and fall asleep (and yes, I have once...try to get out of that one)
2. the act of quietly sneaking into the kid's room, avoiding all squeaky floor spots is not easy
3. trying to not step on anything in the dark...unexpected kids toys under foot hurts like hell
4. keeping the nosey-heavy-breathing dogs away from the kids pillow is a real trick..since they now think it's time to wake the little one and play
5. fishing for the tooth under the sleeping kid's pillow, pulling it out quietly and gently, as you avoid taking a breath....and that damn tooth never seems to be near the edge of the pillow either
6. sliding the crinkly bill under the pillow of sleeping kid's pillow...somehow the dollar bill is much lounder when you're trying to be quiet
7. the fear of waking the child and spoiling this childhood tradition is a lot of pressure
8. I suffer from insonmia and the adrenaline rush of sneaking in the kid's room and accomplishing the above list guarantees me a restless night

Again, I enjoy childhood traditions and magic, but I wish that when tooth #1 was lost we found our own place to leave the tooth. I should have made some contraption that hangs on his bedpost or better yet, the door knob to his bedroom - something that can be opened quietly and is easily accessible. But, I can't change the rules now. You better believe than when the little lady starts losing teeth - she'll have that contraption and I'll sleep much better. Cause you know, it's all about me. Just kidding!

BTW, here's my advice to anyone who hasn't played fairy: when your kid's tooth seems really wiggly, be sure to have the proper denomination of cash available because surely the neighbor wouldn't appreciate being asked to break a twenty at midnight. Why do I say this? Well, my guy just got a 5 dollar bill for his tooth. I guess I could have left four quarters, but I'd rather pay big than deal with the stress of rattling change. Guess how much do you think he'll expect next time? Yep, $5. Oh well, such is life.

Can you smell the cheesesteaks?

2007-08-27T21:07:00.000-05:00

We visited the cheesesteak and hoagie capitol, good ole Philadelphia. As a kid I went on many class trips to the Liberty Bell, Independance Hall and Betsy Ross' house, but it's been years since I've been there. What better way to see the city than with the kids via the duck tour. Quack! FUN! The kids get a free duck-calling-whistle-necklace thingy and they quacked their little hearts out - but don't you worry, I slapped an apology out of the guy who handed them out. (just kidding, they were cute) After the morning of sight seeing we wandered some shops in Chinatown and had lunch.

***If you're ever in the Phila. area, be sure to take a ride on the Ducks (unless, you're not into loud quackers) the drivers/captains are entertaining & the boat ride was fun too. Very strange to drive right into the water - but boy, did the kids think that was cool.

Outdoor fun

2007-08-26T20:32:00.000-05:00

Last weekend we took the kiddoes on a few day trips not far from home. On Sunday we packed a picnic lunch and went on a hike. The trail was along a cliffside overlooking the water with the most spectacular view. I could hardly stand walking a few feet without whipping out the camera (I had to stop at the request of my husband who claimed that I was slowing them down). Who could resist? Just look at that view. The kids didn't want to slow down either since they were so excited to get to the lighthouse at the end of the mile long trail.

When we reached the clearing of trees the kids raced to the lighthouse door and they were SO EXCITED to be able to go inside. Brent and Scott even braved the crazy stairs and got to look out from the top. Check out the picture of the view from the bottom of the stairs and note the ladder that is at the top of the stairs, my little man went up that too. Brave guy. Me, well, I went half way up the stairs while holding Allie and then totally chickened out. I backed down, scared shitless that I was going to drop her.

Anyhoo, here a few more pictures, the last one of the kids sitting on the lighthouse stairs is my favorite. After I downloaded the last picture I noticed both kids had sandals on that Henry, our pup, chewed and Allie has part of her PB&J sandwich on her face. (Makes me love the picture even more 'cause it really reflects who we are.)

*when I get a chance I'll post our another excursion from last weekend to Historic Philadelphia. Cool pics too.

**Well I survived (barely) my first week back to school. So, that's 1 week down and only 15 more to go until winter break. But who's counting?

The end of summer...

2007-08-19T18:04:00.000-05:00

Where has the time gone? Wasn't it just yesterday that summer started? My little man starts school after Labor Day, but I start back tomorrow. Sigh. I can't believe how quickly my break flew by. I had such a long to-do list, some of which was done, and some of which will have to wait until, well, who knows when.

The past two weeks for me has been a cram fest of trying to squeeze in fun days with the kiddoes and getting school/fall clothes and school supplies. We've spent the past few days doing fun family outings, squeezing the last drops out of summer. Yesterday we packed a picnic lunch and went on nature hike up to a lighthouse. We had a wonderful time and the scenery was breathtakingly beautiful. It was a great way to end the summer and hopefully create a fun memory for the kids.

I'm starting my final year of nursing school (done in May, thank GOD!) and my intention is to do a better job of setting quality time aside each week for something fun with the kids. The last two years I've been a little over my head and didn't do the best job of balancing school and home. This year will be differet. It has to be different. I can see the light at the end of the proverbial tunnel and I realize how the unimportant things will still be there when I'm done - my house will be clean and organized again come May. But, enjoying time with my kids and staying connected is much more important - they can not wait. I'm feeling optimistic, I think (hope) I can keep my priorities in check.

Although I'm sad to see summer end, I look forward to starting school again, since the sooner I start, the sooner I finish. I also LOVE everything that autumn brings....pumpkins, hayrides, scarecrows, Halloween, apple cider, bon fires, crisp air, jumping in leaves and humidity free weather (ahhhh, good hair days).

So, now that I'm diving, head first, into school, it'll be rare for me to post until next year. But in the meantime, I hope you are finding ways to stay connected with your loved ones and finding fun ways to create lasting memories.

Yummy staples and a hard head....

2007-08-12T08:13:00.000-05:00

Allison proudly shows off her new bracelet and repeating "we're going to the BEEEEACH!"

Little man with his rigged ice pack: ice from the cooler, visor from mom-mom and sand from, well, the beach. Who needs a first aid kit when you have a cooler?

Any clues from the blog title? How 'bout from the first few pictures?

Last weekend I took the kiddoes to the beach for a long weekend with my mom, sister and niece. I hit the ground running on Friday morning. Up in the morning, breakfast, dressed, loaded kids into the car, picked up neighbor kid, schlepped to VBS to drop off the boy & his buddy. Back home. Quickly packed for beach - as always last minute packer. Off to market with the little one for beach snacks. Back home for 15 minutes to unload snacks. Out to pick up neice from camp (she was riding with me to shore and my sister was leaving straight from work). Took neice and little one to pick up boy & buddy from VBS. Back home & shoved peanut butter & jelly sandwiches in front of the kiddoes. As kids were eating at the table, loaded the bags in the car. After last bag was loaded I was greeted at the garage door by Brent and my neice Jordan. The greeting went something like this:

kids (in unison): "Allison ate the staples"

me: "Huh? Ate staples? What staples?"

kids: "She ate them"

Allison: "See, I ate them." as she grins and then proudly opens her mouth wide

I peek in the back of her throat and mouth and can't see anything. Ummm, now what?

The kids proceed to tell me that Brent was telling Jordan about his cool new back-to-school supplies and he pulled them out to show her. Allison wanted to get in on the action and apparently she not only wanted to see some of the school supplies, she wanted to taste them. She shoved some staples in her mouth and then ran from Brent and Jordan. Brent wrestled her to the ground to try to get the staples out of her mouth & when reached into her mouth, they were gone.

Great. Great . Great. Maybe she spit them out. I ask Allie again "Honey, where are the staples?" "I ate them." Again, proudly opening wide. Great. Great. Great. Shit. Shit. Shit. (No, I didn't say those words out loud - but they played loudly in my head)

Hmmm, my mom is on her way over, bags are in car, kid ate staples. Again, now what? I call the pediatrician and have to say "Hi, ummmm, this is Tammy, Allison .....'s mom, I think she may have eaten some staples." Silence on the other end. I then tell the story and the nurse tells me she'll talk to the doctor and call me back. Two minutes pass and they call back to tell me that they want stat xrays of her throat and chest.

My mom comes in, "Hey everybody, who's ready to go to the BEACH!"

I tell my mom the story, load Allison in the car & send kids to beach with my mom and Allie and I head to the local hospital for xrays. The hospital was quick and efficient and was able to do one film for a foreign body that covered from her chin to her rear end. (Of course, we had every person who looked at her script ask us what she ate. Each person had the same deer in headlights look when I said staples.) Anyhoo, an hour after arrival, the xray was taken and read - no staples. She must have spit them out. Thank God. Off to the beach...

The next morning we were sitting on the beach and Jordan was practicing her stone skipping skills that she mastered the week prior while camping. She finds a silver dollar sized stone and gives her best pitch - the stone skips once and clocks Brent in the side of the head. Rings his bell. He screams and starts stumbling out of the water. I race to see his head and help him out of the water. His head is bleeding, but not enough to warrant stitches. An egg forms immediately. A few minutes later, two inches from the point of impact another site starts to swell, it's just as swollen as the first spot. Now I'm worried. I have no clue what would make his head swell in another spot. I'm about to call my pediatrician and this sweet woman sitting next to us on the beach comes over and lets us know she's a doctor and assessed him right there on the beach. After she assessed him and explained why his head was swelling in several spots, she rigged a sun visor to fit his head and to hold ice. (note picture) For the next 5 hours she checked him like clockwork - looking into his pupils, asking him questions, checking the swelling, all which made his mom feel better.

(Funny story about the nice doctor... She was cute as a button and was very well endowed with a perky, at least D cup, bosom. She was sporting a bikini and every time she would squat down to look in Brent's eyes, I had to repeat "her eyes, big guy." Yep, he was captivated by her cleavage. She was a good sport about it and even got a few laughs at his reaction.)

In spite of the staples and the rock (oh yeah, and a hurt ankle) we had a great time. It would be nice to make at least one more trip to the shore before school starts back up, but that's doubtful, since school is just around the corner.

***About my last post....yep, I was being overly sensitive. PMS. What more can I say. Usually, I'm not thin-skinned, but those few days a month I prove that all wrong. My lucky husband.

Two years

2007-07-26T17:41:00.000-05:00

Two years:

Today marks our daughter's 2nd Gotcha Day anniversary (or as our dear friend Maylee Beezir refers to as Family Day). Most of the time I don't think about how Allie joined our family - it's as if she's always been here. The transitional period was not always pretty - and at times it was well, ugly. When Allison joined our family - she was weak, thin, delayed developmentally and ALWAYS needed to be held to avoid implosion. Today, she is a strong, healthy, bright little ball of sunshine, who still ALWAYS likes to be held. What a cuddle bug. She can light a room with her sunny personality and radiant smile.

Gotcha Day is a reminder of how our daughter joined our family and how far we've come. It makes me stop and appreciate that she is with us and how lucky we are. We have been so blessed. (Gotcha Day also gives us one more reason to celebrate and get together with our China family.)

.....and that's a wrap:

I feel like I've met some amazing blog friends, and some IRL. But, with most things, this blog has come to an end (update: long hiatus). There just isn't enough time in the day with two small kids, school, dogs, yadayadayada to keep updating. I will be keep following the blogs of my new (and not so new) friends along with blogs of some cool waiting Moms - as I'm much to nosey to miss their referral announcements - not to mention they need all the support they can get.

***BTW, that creature Scott was holding is a conch (so we were told by a 10 yr old at the beach). Pretty gross, huh. Can you believe people eat these things? Yep, as fritters.

water babes

2007-07-13T09:14:00.000-05:00

Huh, beach blanket? Sand toys? Why bother lugging that stuff. Can't get my little fishes out of the water. They even eat their lunch while standing in the water. Nothing like a PBJ with sand and salt water...yum. I know, there's a rule about waiting 30 minutes after a meal to swim, but try and tell my kids that. No complaining of belly aches all week, so they must have been fine.

There's nothing my kids love more than playing in the ocean (well, the bay, sans strong waves and undertow - much more fun for the kids AND mom). The only draw back to taking kids to the shore is schlepping the 100 pounds of cumbersome beach paraphernalia. Remember J0hn Candy in Summ*r Rental? I always think of that movie as I have a bazillion things in my hands and hanging off my arms & shoulders. So, I'm ordering this today - no more bruised arms for moi.

***Wanna guess what kind of sea creature Scott is holding in the first picture?

(we had no clue, but the 10 yr old hanging out with the kids informed us...nothing like being outsmarted by a 4th grader)

Thanks George....

2007-06-27T14:55:00.000-05:00

(...the top picture is the letter from the White House signed by George W, his hand must get really tired. ;0) ......the last picture is of the pledge said by all new citizens .....the flags the munchkins are holding are given to all new citizens, and their siblings, I guess)

Finally, Allison is a citizen! Me and the kiddoes schlepped into Philadelphia today for Allie's citizenship ceremony. It was miserably hot and parking is horrendous (and that's being kind). I felt like I was Chevy Chase in European Vacation - passing our destination over, and over, and over, and over again. All the while I have back-seat-driver Brent telling me (every time we passed the Immigration office) that I passed it again and could I just hurry up and park. Did I mention that I loathe driving in the city without a co-pilot (and the 7 yr old in the backseat doesn't count)? With a co-pilot to navigate, I still don't like it, but it's bearable. Anyhoo, I digress. Here are a few pics (my camera's smokin').

****BTW, if you're wondering why it has taken us nearly two years from Allison's Gotcha Day to get proof of her citizenship - well, I'd like to understand that too. This is the result of both parents (moi) not traveling. We had to readopt Allie in the States, which was done immediately after her coming home. From there we had to wait for her adoption decree (it took about 8 wks) and submit it, along with other paperwork, to immigration and file for proof of citizenship - at a lovely bargain of over $600. Nope, there's not an extra zero there. More $$ for the government to burn.

Immigration cashed our check almost 18 months ago, but there is a "backlog" (Ya think?). Oops, I'm sounding a little bitter. Wanna know why? Can't get a SS card without her proof of citizenship. Which means, can't claim her on our taxes without her SS#. Yep, that really sucked. Luckily, a few months back Scott and I, frustrated about another tax season passing without being able to file for the adoption credit, hiked to the SS office & low and behold their system was down and the nice man manually applied for her card, bypassing the cross match with Homeland Sec's system, and we got her card. My reason for sharing this lovely loop hole that happens when only one parent travels is for anyone who may be considering this so they know what can happen when they return and its implications.

A proud moment...

2007-05-25T14:09:00.000-05:00

This afternoon I went on a walking trip with Brent's first grade class to the local library. The kids were getting rammy & we were walking in the historic part of town, where there were uneven brick sidewalks - beautiful, but tricky if you don't watch your step. Anyway, Brent was about four kids in front of me when another classmate wasn't paying attention and wiped out. One of the dad chaperones picked up the boy and everyone kept walking. Brent went up to the kid, put his arm around his shoulder and quietly asked "Are you alright Josh?" He then patted him on the back and walked next to him and chatted, noticing that the boy was embarrassed, trying to take his mind off of his fall.

Brent didn't know I saw what he did until we got back to the school & I pulled him aside to tell him how proud I was that he took the time to check on Josh. His response "What? He's my friend, I was just making sure he was OK" - like no big deal, but to me it was a big deal. Empathy is a BIG deal.

Referral anniversary

2007-05-24T15:46:00.000-05:00

Two years ago we got THE CALL. I remember that surreal moment like it was yesterday, hearing the words "Congratulations, you have a daughter..." - then, we anxiously waited for her referral picture to come via email (I obsessively wore out the refresh button) and this is the face that took our breath away:

Two years later, cuter than ever:

How did we get so lucky?

A favorite summer dish...

2007-05-20T09:48:00.001-05:00

OK, I'm starting a summer dish blog chain (if there's such a thing). With picnics and parties in the summer it's nice to have different dishes to bring instead of our old comfort standby's - mine being a potato or pasta salad (yummy, but boring). So I'm tagging anyone who reads & is interested in sharing. Please be sure to post on the comments that you participated because I'd hate to miss your specialty.

Below is a scrumptious salad - hope you enjoy:

Strawberry orange salad with cinnamon vinaigrette
Ingredients
1 (11-ounce) can mandarin oranges, drained
1 pint fresh strawberries, stemmed and quartered
½ small red onion, thinly sliced
½ cup coarsely chopped pecans, toasted
1 avocado, sliced
1 (10-ounce) package romaine lettuce

Preparation
Combine first 6 ingredients in a large bowl. Drizzle with half of Cinnamon Vinaigrette (see recipe below), tossing to coat. Serve remaining vinaigrette with salad.

Cinnamon Vinaigrette
Ingredients
1/3 cup olive oil
1/3 cup raspberry vinegar
1 tablespoon sugar
½ teaspoon salt
½ teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/4 teaspoon pepper ½ teaspoon hot sauce

Preparation
Combine olive oil and remaining ingredients in a jar; cover tightly, and shake vigorously. Chill at least 2 hours. Shake well before serving.

Time to reconnect...

2007-05-17T13:16:00.000-05:00

Wow, where to begin. School is out for me and I have the summer OFF. Woohoooo! It's been a long time coming and this semester kicked my arse. My head has been pressed up against my books so hard, I've barely come up for air. I still have the binding imprints on my forehead. 13 credits sucked up so much of my time and my house reflects it. Thankfully, I only have two semesters left of nursing school and the fun stuff starts in the fall - I'm really looking forward to maternity, pediatrics & trauma.

Thanks for all of the sweet words of sympathy when we lost our dear Jake. He is missed terribly. I still call out his name and cry when I think about not ever seeing him again. Who knew the loss of a pet would hurt so badly.

On a happier note, we now have a new member of our family - his name is Henry. He's a 10 month old one of these. Crazy? Yep. We have a neighbor who fosters these dogs & he was a little neglected by his first owner and needed a family - I just couldn't resist his sweet goofy face. He's great with the kids and is the most gentle and calm puppy I've ever been around. I've only experienced Lab pups & if you've ever read the book Marley & Me or had one, you know they are nutty puppies. Sweet, but a little crazy. Henry's only issue is chewing - shoes, toys and my vacuum cleaner (?). The best thing about Henry, other than his sweet disposition, HE DOESN'T SHED. You read that right - HE DOESN'T SHED. Coming from the mother of Jake, who had hypothyroidism and shed like he was on chemo, it's a BIG deal. When I get the chance I'll have to post pictures of the cutie pie. Jade, our other dog, was really missing Jake and has been warming up to goofy Henry.

So, as the title of this post goes, I finally have some free time and plan on reconnecting with my family, friends and neighbors. One thing I'm excited about is being able to read something for fun and I am finally able join in on Stephanie's (Written Word) book club this month.

Goodbye sweet Jake...

2007-03-30T17:21:00.000-05:00

Our hearts are broken. Wednesday, our dear sweet Jake was laid to rest. He was diagnosed with hemangio*sarcoma two weeks ago - the news was a shock, but we thought we would have a little more time. Sometime between Tuesday evening and Wednesday morning, Jake had a major stroke - he lost his sight and strenght on his left side. He was only 8 1/2. There are no words that can truly express how much we miss him. We miss his cuddles, his happy greeting at the door, his gentle nature, his unconditional love, his heavy breathing, his clicking nails on the Per*go floor, his yellow fur EVERYWHERE, his soft scent, his soft fur, his soft eyes. I can't believe how much it hurts to loose a dog. He wasn't just a pet, he was a member of our family.

I had brought Jake home as a surprise birthday gift for my husband. A few months before my husband's birthday, his parents died in a car accident. He was in a dark place and I had read about the therapeutic benefits of pets. Jake was such a special pup, he helped my husband heal and grieve. What an angel.

Not long after Jake joined our family, I became a SAHM. So, for 7 years Jake has been with me everyday, all day. What a huge loss. I am so used to talking to him, calling his name, letting hime in and out, getting stuffed animals out his mouth, giving him dog cookies and battling with his dog hair. There is a 100+ pound furry void in our home. To quote my son - "I want Jake back."

**I read a short story years ago that was to answer the question Why dogs lives are so short? I'll try to summarize it to the best of my memory: We are all put on this earth to learn the most important lessons in life - mainly unconditional love. Dogs learn this lesson immediately, but stick around for a while longer so man can learn by their example. **

Goodbye my sweet Pup, we will miss you always.

Do your friends and family know?

2007-03-25T00:55:00.000-05:00

Recently, and incident came up that the link to my blog was accessible (would have taken some clicking around to find it - long story) to friends and family. Delete, delete, delete! I panicked. Not panic in the literal sense, but quickly worked to get the link removed (another long story). I even made my blog private for a few days, preventing any savvy friends or family from being able to read my blog. What's the big deal, right? Well, I haven't shared my blog with any 'real life' family or friends, except for my husband and KatieJ (and Stephanie, but we met via blogging).

I like the idea of having the ability to vent or share, without having to censor what I vent or share about. My blog is a place where I am able to write openly and send it out into the big world and see what happens. There's something that I find therapeutic about putting my feelings out there - like purging/cleansing/releasing or whatever you want to call it - sort of like therapy, without the copay or making an appointment. Does that make sense?

So here's my question: Do you share your blog with 'real life' family and friends? If not, why? If so, do you regret it?

racism and friends

2007-03-19T12:58:00.000-05:00

First, I want to start off by saying a few things that I've learned from being a mother. One, when my child(ren) hurts - it hurts me more. Two, when someone hurts my child(ren) - I want to go for the jugular. Three (since my daughter is of a minority race), when someone says nasty racial remarks/jokes - I am offended (Seriously offended. 10X more offended than if something was said about me.). Which leads me to my story...

I have a friend, M, who is really nice, thoughtful and fun to hang out with. We live in the same town, our husbands get along and we have kids of similar ages who also like playing with each other. But. But, she is known to make derogatory remarks about black people (and she uses the 'N' word, GULP). Not daily, but often enough. Seriously. When she uses the 'N' word, she'll turn to me and try to explain that she doesn't feel that way about "Chinese people" just blacks. She'll then say "you know what I mean". My response is "well, ummm, no, not really - I'm not racist." This is a concept she has a real hard time accepting/understanding. In a diplomatic, but not so effective, manner I've tried to help her understand that I am uncomfortable when she uses racial slurs.

As a white woman, I have never had to personally experience prejudiced behavior. Don't get me wrong, I've experienced torment for many things as a child. I grew up (until high school) very poor while going to a 'rich' school, on a free ride. I know what it's like to be different. But, these racist slurs and/or jokes that fly out of M's mouth make me crazy. I really like this person otherwise. That must sound insane, huh.

I'm not unrealistic, I know I can't change someone else's behavior, but I'm at a loss. Our families get along, and she treats my children very well, but I'm not sure what to do. Honestly, this behavior seems so out of character for this person. It wasn't until we became good friends that I guess she felt comfortable enough to show this side of her - at which point, I liked her and her family. I mean, really, if such comments flew out of her mouth on one of our first encounters, I wouldn't have given her the time of day. But, that's not the case. I am trying to see past this. Do I just let it go?

Not my finest hour....

2007-03-07T20:39:00.000-05:00

Let me start off by saying that I am very proud of my daughter, her heritage and how she joined our family. I think adoption rocks and I'm very open about it. However, I do get annoyed when we are out and about, doing normal family things, and strange(rs) feel the need to quiz us on our family planning choices.

You'd think that I'd be used to it by now, but seriously, the older Allie gets, the less I appreciate the questions. Not only because we are just going about our life, I don't want our daughter to feel like a spectacle or accessory without the right for privacy. Just because our family came together in an nontraditional way, we are just an average family and I really don't feel the need to be an open book. All. The. Time. When my daughter isn't around and adoption comes up, I'm all about it - very open to questions and willing to share my views on adoption and how it's an awesome way to build a family. The only details I avoid are about Allison's abandonment, since they are for her to divulge, if she ever chooses to do so.

So, whenever we are approached and asked (although we're never asked) to play the adoption, why China 20 questions game, I always try to remain gracious and polite, mainly for my daughters sake. But, that doesn't mean that I'm not thinking about what I'd really like to say about their lack of social graces.

Usually the conversation starts goes like this:
Strange(r): staring at the white woman (me) with Asian child (Allie)
Me: avoiding eye contact or just blow off with brief smile
Strange(r): "Your baby is cute" ignoring my 'cute' son if he's there (but, that's not what the conversation is really about)
Me: "Thank you"
Strange(r): "How old is she?"
Me: "Two" or "Two, and my son is seven" (if Brent is with us) I'm feeling it....here it comes...
Strange(r): "Where is she from?"
Me: "China" or lately, Allison sometime responds "China baby, yeahhhhh!"
Strange(r): either ends conversation, or continues with their story of folks they know who have adopted, or asks intrusive questions - often questioning why I didn't adopt from the US.
Me: try to act like an air-headed-distracted mom who has to run (although it's not a far stretch), all the while keeping a friendly tone and smile plastered on my face.

Rewind to last week, a review of my finest hour (NOT):
location: grocery store - with Allie in the cart (Brent's in school)
Strange(r): doing the stare
Me: not taking the bait, avoiding eye contact. I have PMS and Allison is squirmy in the cart - closing in on naptime. I'm trying to make it to the checkout before the meltdown.
Strange(r): pushes her cart next to me and says "Where's she from?"
Me: thinking 'Huh, no segway? Humor me please.' My PMS-y reply "our hometown"
Strange(r): "What country?"
Me: still PMSing "Why do you ask?"
Strange(r): "Oh, I have a grown daughter from Korea and two beautiful new grandchildren from Korea."
Me: Gulp! Looking for exit or hole to climb into. From there I did a real bang-up job trying to back pedal out of my ignorant comment. Good God, the only time I've ever been flip, is to another a-parent AND grandparent. Could I have felt like a bigger ass? Let me answer that - NOPE.

Note to self: even if PMSing - BE NICE!

Flashback

2007-02-01T21:54:00.000-05:00

I received this via email today and thought it was hysterical, and true (freakishly true). So to all of you 30-40 yr old chicks - enjoy this groovy list...

You had that Fisher Price Doctor's Kit with a stethoscope that actually worked.

You owned a bicycle with a banana seat and a plastic basket with flowers on it.

You learned to skate with actual skates (not roller blades) that had metal wheels.

You thought Gopher from Love Boat was cute (admit it!)

You had nightmares after watching Fantasy Island.

You had rubber boots for rainy days and Moon boots for snowy days. YEAH! You owned a "Slip-n-Slide?, on which you injured yourself on a sprinkler head more than once.

You owned "Klick-Klacks" and smacked yourself in the face more than once (or constantly had bruises on your arms!)

You had either a "bowl cut" or "pixie?, not to mention the "Dorothy Hamill". People sometimes thought you were a boy.

Your Holly Hobbie sleeping bag was your most prized possession.

You wore a poncho, gauchos, and knickers.

You begged Santa for the electronic game, Simon.

You had the Donnie and Marie dolls with those pink and purple satiny shredded outfits, or the sunshine family

You spent hours in your backyard on your metal swing set with the trapeze. The swing set tipped over at least once.

You had homemade ribbon barrettes in every imaginable color. (Oh yeah!)

You had a pair of Doctor Scholl's sandals (the ones with hard sole & the buckle). You also had a pair of salt-water sandals.

You wanted to be Laura Ingalls Wilder really bad; you wore that Little House on the Prairie-inspired plaid, ruffle shirt with the high neck in at least one school picture; and you despised Nellie Olson!

You wanted your first kiss to be at a roller rink!

Your hairstyle was described as having "wings" or "feathers" and you kept it "pretty" with the comb you kept in your back pocket. When you walked, the "wings" flapped up and down, looked like you were gonna "take off"

You know who Strawberry Shortcake is, as well as her friends, Blueberry Muffin and Huckleberry Pie.

You carried a Muppets lunch box to school and it was metal, not plastic. With the thermos inside some were glass inside an d broke the first time you dropped them.

You and your girlfriends would fight over which of the Dukes of Hazzard was your boyfriend.

You knew every episode of The Brady Bunch (and thought Peter was a fox).

It was a big event in your household each year when the "Wizard of Oz" would come on TV. Your mom would break out the popcorn and sleepi ng bags!

You often asked your Magic-8 ball the question: "Who will I marry. Shaun Cassidy, Leif Garrett, or David Cassi dy?"

You completely wore out your Grease, Saturday Night Fever, and Fame soundtrack record album.

You tried to do lots of arts and craft s, like yarn and Popsicle-stick God's eyes, decoupage, or those weird potholders made on a plastic loom.

You made Shrinky-Dinks and put iron-on kittens on your t-shirts !

You used to tape record songs off the radio by holding your portable tape player up to the speaker.

You had subscriptions to Dynamite and Tiger Beat.

You learned everything you needed to know about girl issues from Judy Blume books.
(Are you there God, It's me, Margaret.)

You thought Olivia Newton John's song "Physical" was about aerobics. (?? its not??)

You wore friendship pins on your tennis shoes, or shoelaces with heart or rainbow designs.

You wanted to be a Solid Gold dancer.

You drowned yourself in Love's Baby Soft - which was the first "real" perfume you ever owned.

You glopped your lips in Strawberry Roll-on lip-gloss till it almost dripped off.

OK, I just had to see

2007-01-24T18:09:00.000-05:00

This food quiz was on Johnny's blog and of course, I had to check it out. Funny, we had tacos for dinner and Mexican is my favorite food. The description is pretty accurate too.

You Are Mexican Food

Spicy yet dependable.
You pull punches, but people still love you.

What Kind of Food Are You?

My break is over....sigh...

2007-01-15T19:28:00.000-05:00

Well, I've really enjoyed this Winter break from school. It's been great not having to study and read, read, read. The kids have enjoyed me having more free time too - they especially enjoyed to relaxed pace of the house. I've been fairly productive, but of course, didn't finish everything on my list. We did manage to get the master bathroom painted, which is such a big improvement from the bajillion paint swatches painted on the walls for the last three years.

As much as I enjoyed this break, some things must come to an end (or pause, as I like to think) and school starts back tomorrow. I'm taking 13 credits this semester and I have anxiety just thinking about it. To ease some of my anxiety I have tried to really get organized. I've even cooked and frozen about twenty meals for those heavy study weeks. (I bought this great book with ideas, tips and recipes for freezer cooking. How cool is that?! I feel so Amish.)

There will be a blog freeze for me until May, unless I have free time and something blog worthy to say. However, I will try peek in on my favorites blogs, especially since some folks are expecting referrals soon.

Take care all - see you on the other side (that's May for me).

Offensive journalism

2007-01-06T10:02:00.000-05:00

Did you happen to catch Paula Zahn's program last night (1/5) on CNN? She spoke about American's "infatuation" with Chinese girls. That we, adoptive parents, go to China to adopt "smart" children and that we "don't realize" that they aren't "born smart". We choose China for the intelligence and want our children to become doctors, which is why we don't adopt a black or Hispanic child from the US. They just wouldn't be smart enough.

If you're interested in reading the ridiculous transcripts, here's a link?
http://transcripts.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/pzn.html

Although I'm not thin-skinned, I felt compelled to send an email to CNN and to Paula. I was/am pretty offended. We didn't adopt our daughter to play the violin, help us with math, cook us stir-fry or to "become a doctor." That's just racist crap. Seriously, could our foster/adoption system here in the US be any more flawed? Hmmmm, guess that couldn't have anything to do with why many people don't choose to go this route to adopt. Personally speaking, we didn't want to put ourselves through the the emotional turmoil that an unpredictable adoption system would bring.

Do I think American children in foster care deserve homes? Helllllooo, yes. All children do. I love that those who address this issue are never those who have chosen to adopt, from this country or elsewhere. Don't they care about American orphans? For some strange reason, parents who choose to adopt internationally are to blame for all of the children waiting for families in the US. Never are people who choose to give birth asked how come they don't adopt children, who are already born and need families, instead of bringing more children into this world. By no means do I feel that people shouldn't give birth, I'm just trying to prove my point about how parents who have adopted internationally aren't to blame for all of the waiting children in the US.

*thud* that's me jumping off of my soap box.

A sad conversation with my 7 yr old

2007-01-04T15:02:00.000-05:00

Last night as we were doing our bedtime rituals with my son he started to cry, I mean, really cry. Hard sobbing cry. After a few minutes of me holding him, I was asking him what was making him so sad. At first he didn't want to tell me, but he then started to talk. "I don't want you to ever go and live with God" he told me, as the tears were pouring down his face. Holy crapola, I didn't see that coming.

Sometimes (OK, often) I am really unarmed and unprepared for what pops up as a parent. Brent has always been a deep thinker, and has asked tough questions, but this one really caught me by surprise. Usually, I can feel his curiosity stirring and I have a little time to think about how to handle the situation, but not this time. What a terribly sad and heavy thought for a little guy. I am so glad that I coaxed it out of him - I would hate the thought of that weighing so heavily on his mind.

So, I rocked and held him tight for a long time and then told him that I don't plan to go and live with God until I'm very old "like 100," to a 7 yr old 25 is ancient, and that I drive as safely as possible, wear my seatbelt, don't smoke and try to take good care of myself. I also let him know that people worry about their loved ones and that I worry about him too - I worry that he looks both ways before he crosses the street, that he doesn't talk to strangers and so forth. I tried to assure him that I intend to be around to pester him until he is a grandpa. This seemed to help a little, but I wish I could think of something to say that will bring him comfort. Any suggestions?

GREAT NEWS and a FUN weekend

2006-11-14T20:14:00.000-05:00

I wanted to post an update about my Mom's breast cancer. After a looong wait for results, the news was GREAT - early stage 1. What does that mean? It means that the cancer was caught VERY early and her prognosis is excellent. This news is especially great because we learned that my Mom's cancer is/was lobular breast cancer. One in 10 people with breast cancer have this type of cancer. Lobular breast cancer has had a reputation of being the most aggressive type, but in reality, it isn't more aggressive, it is just usually detected by a mammogram after it is very advanced and often has spread to both breasts and/or the chest wall. Reason being is that most breast cancer is tumor-like and lobular isn't as formed and it needs to be fairly advanced to be detected by a mammogram.

Why all the details? Well, to repeat some of my previous post - my Mom's cancer was found after a clean routine mammogram. Her doctor sent her for a breast MRI because her sister is a breast cancer survivor. Her doctor encourages all of her patients who have a family history of breast cancer to have this test. The week my mother got her diagnosis, her doctor diagnosed three other women, all with clean mammograms, all found with a MRI. That's huge. Almost hard for me to wrap my head around. It's hard for me to understand why this isn't standard practice everywhere. Crazy.

So, I encourage you to seek out a breast MRI, in addition to yearly mammograms - especially if you have any family history of breast cancer. Please spread the word about breast MRIs to your friends and loved ones. You may just save their life.

Lastly, I want to thank all of you who included my Mom in your prayers and/or offered kind words of support. It really helped.

NEW topic:
This past weekend I went to a girls scrapbook weekend in the Poconos with good friends, including Stephanie (Forks&Chopsticks, The Written Word and Me So Crafty). We stayed at the hotel from the Shining - as Stephanie liked to call it. Ha! Ha! This was the first time that I have ever went away without the kiddoes. Everyone survived - including me. Although, my house look like it was invaded and ransacked by burglars when I got home. I was so refreshed when I got home, I didn't even care. But, I hope no one dropped by when it was looking like that. I haven't asked - I don't want to know.

My friend runs these weekend getaways twice a year and I will really try to go each time. It does everyone good. I didn't study once over the weekend and I had a major test today - and I don't feel guilty. To quote my friend, "Sometimes you have to clear your head before you stick more in it." Wise advice don't ya think?

(Pssst Joannah - your wishbook/scrapbook page for Jillian will be arriving soon!)

Soliciting prayers...

2006-10-30T12:09:00.000-05:00

I had debated on whether or not to post about this, but since no one (except KatieJ)who reads this knows my mom, I decided that extra prayers are welcomed. And, I thought this information is worth sharing.

My Mom was diagnosed with breast cancer a few weeks ago and goes in for her surgery this Friday. Needless to say, we are worried. Hearing my mom say "I have breast cancer" was hard. Really hard. Hard because of selfish reasons, and hard because I could feel her trying to be strong and positive as she told me - she was trying to break the news gently. I have a lump in my throat just replaying that in my mind. So, if you are a person of faith, and wouldn't mind including my Mom in your prayers, I would appreciate it. Her name is Marian.

The other reason for posting this is to share how my mother's breast cancer was found. For over 20 years my mom has had fibroid cystic breast disease (non-cancerous fibroid cysts), and has had many procedures over the years - aspirations, cysts removed etc. For all of those years she traveled into the city, to a large university hospital, for all of procedures - getting mammograms and breast ultrasounds faithfully every year and at times more frequently if necessary.

Anyway, last year she found another lump and decided to go to a local surgeon, recommended by my sister, who also has fibroids, to have a cyst removed. After this new doctor did her surgery and her next mammogram came back clean, she recommended that my mom have a breast MRI, because my mom sister had breast cancer (a 25 year survivor, thank God). So, a few months ago my mom had the MRI done and there was a shadow. Her doctor then sent her for an ultrasound to confirm what was seen. She had the ultrasound done and it came back clean - the report stated that the MRI must have been a false positive, a shadow of sort. My mom's Dr. sent her for another ultrasound, this time with a radiologist instead of a technician, feeling that it would be more thorough. Again, the ultrasound came back clean. Her Dr. still not satisfied, sent her to a different hospital, an hour away, to have another MRI, but this time with a biopsy of any shadowed areas. Well, the MRI showed a the shadow, a biopsy was done, and she has cancer.

What is keeping us optimistic is that early detection is what saves lives, and this breast MRI procedure found my mom's breast cancer at least 3-4 years sooner than a mammogram would have. Partly because of size, and partly because of location. And needless to say, we are extremely grateful for her doctor's resolve to not let her patients slip through the cracks.

My sisters and I will now be getting breast MRIs in addition to yearly mammograms. We are also awaiting my mom's blood test for the breast cancer gene, to see if we also need to be tested for the gene.

So many of us have friends and/or family members who have, or will, be diagnosed with breast cancer - if you know of anyone with a family history of breast cancer, encourage them to seek out a breast MRI. This test isn't available everywhere, but worth pursuing. And if your doctor thinks it's not necessary, tell them you know someone personally who has benefited from having one.

Thanks.

You're invited

2006-10-20T17:11:00.000-05:00

Stephanie (Forks and Chopsticks had an idea for fellow bloggers to list 8 bloggers you would like to have over to your house and why. Hmmmm. You're making me think Stephanie.

(BTW, I'm too lazy to hyperlink on the names - they're listed under my blogroll)

First I would reciprocate the invite to Stephanie (Forks and Chopsticks) because she's super nice & we've met in person. (And she could help me spruce up my blog. ;) Just kidding.)

Katie (Maylee Beezir) would absolutely get an invite - she's a good friend outside of blogville, and she rocks (a real free-spirited momma). Besides I'd have her and Stephanie show me how to knit while they were here. ;0)

I would also invite Kim (One More Makes Four). She seems like such a nice person & we've exchanged emails about getting together already.

Wendy (Buttercup) lives on the opposite coast, but she'd be invited too. We've emailed back & forth several times & she seems like a real cool momma.

I'd invite Joannah (Just for Jillian) because she seems really sweet and she can sing. Very cool and impressive.

Johnny (Down to This) would be on the invite list. For one, he can cook. Secondly, he seems like he would always keep the conversation flowing & I dig his cutting humor. And although she doesn't blog, I'd include his wife as another blogging guest. I'm sure she's cool & it would be nice to take the mystery out of the lady behind the curtain (Ha! Ha!).

Since I love Mexican food, I'd have to invite Mary-Mia (Salsa in China) cause she's not only a cool chickie, but she'd probably bring some kickin' salsa to compliment the margaritas.

Last, but NOT least, Joely's mom (Family Blend). She's a reader, a coffee drinker and she cares about the environment - I can relate.

Could I have some cheese with that whine?

2006-10-04T09:11:00.000-05:00

Warning: A bitchy post.

Let me start off by saying that I love my kids. They are awesome, but sometimes they can drive me up the wall. My son can be extremely stubborn (can't imagine where he gets that from, ahem), but that's a whole other post. This bitchfest is about my daughter's ability to make my ears bleed with her whining.

Allison is a sweet, jovial, loving girl. She cracks me up 95% of the day. But then there's the other 5% when she can whiiiiine like no one's business. Good Lord, it can drive me crazy (and that isn't a far drive either). She whines when she's tired, bored or when I'm preparing meals (and won't pick her up when I'm working at the stove). And did I mention the drama that accompanies the whining? Oh, what a marvelous combination. A recipe that makes the hair on the back of my neck stand at attention - like nails on a chalkboard.

I try not to give into the whine-fest, but sometimes I do (like when I'm PMS-ing, and it's for everyone's benefit just to turn off the whining). Is there a pill for this? For me? UGH.

People have told me that girls just whine. I grew up in a female household - no men, just me, my two sisters and my mom. I don't remember the whining. But maybe the whiner doesn't remember whining. OMG, my poor Mom. Note to self: apologize to Mom.

So, is this true? Are girls just whiners? Lord help me if it's true. I think I'm putting ear plugs on my Santa list.

*A funny side story related to the whining: When the kids whine I will tell say to them "I can't understand you, I don't speak Whinese." Well, this weekend I had the kids in the car & we were leaving Target's parking lot and the guy behind me felt the need to honk his horn, 8 bazillion times, as if the traffic would part for me like the Red Sea. Anyhoo, Brent yells out, thinking the guy could hear him, "Hey mister, we don't speak Hornese." I don't know what cracked me up more, my son trying to defend his mom, or him saying the word Horney so innocently.

daycare & the birds and the bees

2006-09-18T12:54:00.000-05:00

Well, Allison loves daycare, or as she calls it "Gammy cool" (cool is school). When I pick her up in the afternoon she is excited to see me, but not pulling me out the door. She squeals, comes running over to me for a hug, then wiggles down to continue doing whatever she was doing. We have had art projects sent home each day (she goes 2X per week) and Grammy says that she loves following along with whatever the kids are doing. She has eaten well, played well and even napped well. All that worry for naught. What a relief. It's all about perspective, I guess. Now I'm glad that she gets to spend play days with all of her friends.

And to follow up on the birds & bees talk with my son. Hmmmm, where to start. First, I got some books (see post below) and I don't think I'm ready to share them with my first grader. (If only I wasn't having trouble uploading pics onto my computer, I'd share the page, from the book listed below, with the cartoon image of a man and woman fooling around under the sheets.) That book is now sitting on a high shelf - he does not need that visual, at this age.

So, not sure how to approach the subject, I decided to reassess what Brent was really asking when wanting to know how he got into my belly, why he looks like Dad, and where his bones came from. I told him that babies grow inside of mommies - they start out as eggs, that are so small they can only be seen with a microscope. I shared some pictures from an anatomy book that had what a fetus looks like at different stages and he was satisfied with that. He was excited, as if he had a new discovery, well, I guess he did.

I'm not sure if I should've went into more detail with my son, but my philosophy is to give honest information, but no more than they are really needing and/or wanting to know. Not to mention, my son is just shy of seven and he isn't at an age where I could expect him to not share a big discovery with his peers. So, I feel a sense of responsibility that my son doesn't repeat something, regardless of how innocently, to other people's children. That could be ugly, not to mention wrong. (Like my homeschooling neighbor family, of seven kids, who just love to share with other neighborhood kids how Santa isn't real and that Christmas is only for celebrating Jesus. That's a post in itself. Grrrrr.) He will eventually hear the whole story of conception when he gets older. From. His. Dad.

Me, at a loss for words?

2006-09-08T18:42:00.000-05:00

Yep, I'm at a loss, and I need help finding the right words. Brent has started asking questions about how babies are made and he's not being satisfied with my old explanation that we prayed to God for a baby and he grew inside my belly. This wasn't a lie - I did call Scott God that night. JUST KIDDING! In the right environment, I can curse like a truck driver, but I can't even use correct anatomical words for private parts. I use such words as pee-pee, privates and tush. I know I'm a grown woman and I should get over this hang-up, but it's just not going to happen.

Anyhoo, he's really asking details. He even wants to know how come he looks like Dad if he grew in my belly. Oh Lord, what the heck do I say? I don't have any intention of going into the detail about the 'horizontal mombo', but I'm not sure how much to tell him. I don't want to lie. I just don't want to give him more information that he needs to know or more than what would satisfy his curiousity. If that makes sense.

So, as lame as it sounds, I've ordered some books from the library. Here's one:

Any suggestions?

More Mommy guilt...

2006-09-04T14:16:00.000-05:00

Two years ago I decided that I either wanted/needed to get a part-time job, or go to back to school. Ideally I wanted return to work part-time when both kids were in all day school; however, two years ago there was a lay-off threat at Scott's work & it kicked me in the ass. So, I decided to pursue a career in nursing. I took the Nurse Entrance Test (like SATs for nursing programs) and started to apply to several programs. After interviewing and getting accepted, Scott secured another position within his company. Although the job scare was gone, I decided to forge ahead anyway since nursing programs are very competitive and I was thankful to have secured a seat in my school of choice. I've spent the past two years chipping away at the pre-requisite science classes, and nursing school seemed like light years away, but now it's here - it/I started three weeks ago. The pace was insane at first, but it's starting to level out. Thank God.

For the past three weeks Scott and other family members have taken care of the kids while I was at school. Brent is now in school all day and next week Allison starts daycare. This semester Allison will only need to be in childcare 4 to 5 days per month, but I'm still sick about it. I've never used chidcare for Brent and I feel so guilty not being a full-time SAHM for Allison. By no means do I think that being a SAHM is better than being a working mom (or in my case student mom, SM) - I was raised by a single mother who worked her arse off - and I intend on working once part-time when I'm done school. It's just hard. And different.

We will be using a home-based child care program. Her daycare provider has been running a licensed daycare out of her home for 10+ years and she comes highly recommended. She is in her late 50s and has grandchildren, so the kids all call her Grammy, which I find sweet. She runs her program as a preschool and even has the two year olds participate on their level. Allison will going to school with our neighbors’ daughter, who she likes to play with. Grammy also took care of a little girl from China for four years until she started school this year and she will start taking care of her little sister, who was adopted from China this past year - so we're thrilled about that, since IA is somewhat of a rarity in our area.

We have visited her daycare a few times to let her play with the other kids and to familiarize her with the place and she seems to love it. Allison doesn't cling to my leg when we visit and then she doesn't want to leave. Thank God she seems to love the place - that's the only thing that allows me to sleep at night. (on a side note: I get insomnia when I'm stressed or worried - so next week, there will no rest for the weary at my house. I'll probably be reading blogs in the middle of the night.)

I keep telling myself that it's like anything new - the anticipation is probably much worse than the actual thing/day/event, whatever. Maybe if I tell myself enough, I'll start to believe it.

So, advice and/or words of wisdom to help me deal with the guilt are welcome (Especially from those parents who have BTDT).

First grade...

2006-08-27T20:45:00.000-05:00

Sigh....my baby starts first grade tomorrow. Well, he's not technically a baby anymore, but he still is to me. Boy, it sure is hard to cut that cord. Our school district has 1/2 day Kindergarten, so this will be Brent's first time going to all-day school. I really am not ready for this - but I guess I have to swallow that lump in my throat and put my game face on for Brent's sake.

Here is a little story that Brent's Kindergarten teacher sent home to all of the parents last year (along with some Chamomile tea, to calm nerves). It really sums up how I feel right now - at the bottom of the beanstalk:

Thoughts at the Bottom of a Beanstalk

Once upon a time there was a little boy named Jack who was about to climb his very first beanstalk. He had a fresh haircut and a brand-new book bag.

Even though his friends in the neighborhood had climbed this same beanstalk almost every day last year, this was Jack's first day and he was a little nervous. So was his mother.

Early in the morning she brought him to the foot of the beanstalk. She talked encouragingly to Jack about all the fun he would have that day and how nice his giant would be. She reassured him that she would be back to pick him up at the end of the day. For a moment they stood together, silently holding hands, gazing up at the beanstalk. To Jack it seemed much bigger than it had when his mother had pointed it out on the way to the store last week. His mother thought it looked big, too. She swallowed. Maybe she should have held Jack out a year...

Jack's mother straightened his shirt one last time, patted his shoulder and smiled down at him. She promised to stay and wave while he started climbing. Jack didn't say a word.

He walked forward grabbed a low-growing stem and slowly pulled himself up to the first leaf. He balanced there for a moment and then climbed more eagerly to the second leaf, then to the third and soon he had vanished into a high tangle of leaves and stems with never a backward glance at his mother.

She stood alone at the bottom of the beanstalk, gazing up at the spot where Jack had disappeared. There was no rustle, no movement, no sound to indicate that he was anywhere inside.

"Sometimes," she thought, "it's harder to be the one who waves good-bye than it is to be the one who climbs the beanstalk." She wondered how Jack would do. Would he miss her? How would he behave? Did his giant understand that little boys sometimes acted silly when they felt unsure? She fought down an urge to spring up the stalk after Jack and maybe duck behind a bean to take a peek at what he was doing!

"I'd better not. What if he saw me?" She knew Jack was really old enough to handle this on his own. She reminded herself that, after all, this was thought to be an excellent beanstalk and that everyone said his giant was not only kind but had outstanding qualifications.

"It's not so much that I'm worried about him, "she thought, rubbing the back of her neck. It's just that he's growing up and I'm going to miss him."

Jack's mother turned to leave. "Jack's going to have lots of bigger beanstalks to climb in his life, "she told herself. "Today's the day he starts practicing for them...And today's the day I start practicing something too: cheering him on and waving good-bye!"

HAKUNA MATATA

2006-08-12T18:29:00.000-05:00

Brent and I, along with my friend and her son, went to see Broadway's The LION KING today at the Academy of Music, in Philadelphia. I've wanted to see this play FOR EVER. I was hoping that I didn't regret the expense for my son's ticket, ouch -and the $4 chocolate chip cookie, that was the size of his head (that I finished off), the souvenirs and drinks, double ouch. But, this was an opportunity that I didn't want him (or me) to miss. Oh well, it's only money (ha!) and it was certainly worth every penny. I purchased these tickets a year ago and had nightmares that I forgot about the show and missed it or lost the tickets. I'm much better at buying tickets a month in advance, not a year in advance. I digress.

Anyhoo, I was worried that my son wouldn't get the symbolism in the play, but at one point I said, "Look the fabric is disappearing into the floor" and Brent responded "That's supposed to be the rivers and lakes drying up Mom" - well, DUH, I knew that (NOT). Sometimes our kids are smarter than we realize - and smarter than their parents.

I was Brent's age, almost 7, when I saw my very first 'real' play, Annie, and I still remember getting dressed up, going into the city and sitting in the red velvet seats in the theater. It was exciting for me as a kid and very cool to share this type of experience with my son. It was one of those times when I had to stop, take in the day, and realize the imprint it will have on my son's childhood memories.

One word to describe this play - SPECTACULAR. It totally earned its reputation. LOVED IT! LOVED IT! LOVED IT!

If you haven't seen it and the opportunity presents itself, don't miss it.

(If I figure out my camera glitch, I'll upload a few pics.)

The referral bug

2006-08-02T12:11:00.000-05:00

Before Scott & I were married we talked a lot about family & what we envisioned our lives to be like - how many kids, public or private schools, SAHM vs. working mom, city or suburbs, etc. Even though we planned and I knew I wanted to have a family, I never had 'baby bug.' You know what I'm talking about - women flocking to stollers, going weak at the knees at the little bundles inside. I often wondered what was wrong with me. Wasn't I mommy material? But I knew I wanted a family that included kids. Anyhoo, after being married we decided to start trying for a baby. I wanted to get pregnant so badly - but seeing another baby still didn't send me into the baby frenzy. At times I wondered if I wasn't getting pregnant because I didn't have that infatuation with everything baby like my sisters, friends and coworkers did. Was there something wrong with me?

After many years of trying to get pregnant & lots of oh-so-fun-and-invasive fertility treatments, it worked. We were elated. Alas, I'd surely get the baby bug now. Nope. It just didn't happen. Don't get me wrong, I loved (and still love) my son more than life itself, but I never went gushy over babies, even after I had my own. I hope it doesn't sound cold to say that I was not sad to see my son's toddler years approach. Interacting with a child who communicates, immitates and plays is much more my thing. I definitely enjoyed being a mom more when my son was no longer a baby. Odd, I know.

Well, I may not ever get that baby bug - but I sure do have the referral bug. When referrals come out or I hear someone who is freshly DTC - OMG, I just want to start paperchasing again. I'm such a planner, not usually impulsive - but that's all down the crapper when I see those referral photos (yep, even with the 20 layers of puffy clothes and stoic expressions on their faces - even with the weird backdrops). God help me. I'm like an addict - obsessively checking message boards, offering sappy congrats to the new parents, who I don't know; crying at their excitement; checking message boards; dreaming of when we could start the process again.

It would be such a bad idea to add another child into our picture right now - I'm in school, Allison is so young and realistically I know my limitations. But, it still itches. Where and when does it end? Is there a support group for people like me? Maybe a patch I can wear? Oh my - this is one big ass bug, and it bit me hard.

For now, I'll settle for living vicariously through others - anxiously waiting for CCAA to send out the next batch of referrals & making more dreams come true.

1st Anniversary of Gotcha Day!

2006-07-26T15:02:00.000-05:00

Today is our first anniversary of Allison's Gotcha Day. I can't believe a year has passed. It honestly feels like just yesterday we were anxiously waiting for our referral and then travel approval; and yet, it seems as if Allie has always been a part of our family. She is such a fun-loving child and she just loves life. Her favorite things are swimming, sand, Barney (she looooves the songs), music, dancing, fruit (especially apples), cuddling, outdoors, swings, riding on the back of my bike and trying everything her big brother does. We have truly been blessed to have this little girl as a part of our family. Today is a day to stop and remember how lucky we are. This past year has been awesome, tiring (stressful at times - saving the details for an upcoming post), busy, and fun.

My husband, while in China, purchased gifts & we stored them away in a closet. She received the first one while in China & each Gotcha Day we will be giving her a little gift from her birth country until she's 18. Most of the gifts are tiny trinkets (book marks, pens, fans, dolls, etc.). We read about this idea in an adoption magazine & loved it. So today will be the first time we get to give her one of the little trinkets. Fun.

We have a reunion/Gotcha party this Saturday with our travel families (we refer to each other as our China family). Who knew when we started our adoption journey we would also be gaining wonderful new friends? What a bonus! I can't wait to see everyone and celebrate this milestone together.

I'm ending this post with a little quote from one of the main characters in Anne Tyler's new book, Digging to America, as she reflects on her daughters first Gotcha Day (Loved the book BTW).

"When Bitsy looked back on Jin-Ho's arrival, it didn't seem like a first meeting. It seemed Jin-Ho had been traveling toward them all along and Bitsy's barrenness had been part of the plan, foreordained so that they could have their true daughter. Oh, it's you! Welcome Home! Bitsy had thought when she first saw that robust little face, and she had held out her arms."

Blogging moms day out (with the kids)

2006-07-25T14:25:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I had the pleasure of spending the day at the Philadelphia Zoo with two other blogging mommas (and Katie's friend Beth, a non-blogger). The kiddos had fun running around & being silly.

This was the first time that I've ever met someone, in person, that I met online (if that redundancy makes sense). As Katie (Maylee Beezir), Beth & I were waiting at the zoo gates for Stephanie (Forks and Chopsticks) to arrive we were laughing about how we introduce ourselves & how much it felt like a blind date. We were hoping that the day wouldn't drag on & end up being awkward for everyone. Thankfully, that wasn't the case. We could've chatted the day away, in fact, I think we did. I'm sure this is just the first of many future get togethers with the Forks and Chopsticks family - I think we've convinced them to attend next year's CNY bash held by our adoption agency, and maybe even a scrapbooking weekend this fall.

So, the blind date went very well - especially for Brent & Leah, notice the hand holding. Too cute! Leah said that she liked Brent because he picked her hat up 2X when she dropped it. I guess chivalry isn't dead.

And yes, that's Katie as the Koala bear. Why? Because her daughter wanted to be a Koala & then decided not to. So Katie, being the good mommy, did it for her. You gotta love a grown woman who has the hutzpah to walk the zoo in full face paint. Katie, YOU ROCK!

Shore shots...

2006-07-21T13:34:00.000-05:00

We had an awesome time in Ocean City, NJ - our second year vacationing there. OC is a great beach town for families - not many teenagers or young party crowds, since the island is dry (yep, no alcohol). It would have been nice to enjoy a cold beer or glass of wine at night, but it's certainly a small price to pay for the clean family friendly atmosphere for the kidlets. The kids enjoyed the Pirate Adventure, where they hunted for a sunken treasure in the bay and had to fight off an evil pirate, who was trying to steal the treasures, with water cannons. So much fun!

Back from vacation & my beach book reviews

2006-07-18T12:33:00.000-05:00

I received several emails asking my opinion of the books listed in a previous post, so here are my lame book reviews. (I've quoted reviews from Amazon as a brief description & then added my 2 cents - that's about what it's worth.) I'm always looking for book suggestions - feel free to leave me a the titles of your favorite book. Thanks!

The Tenth Circle by Jodi Picoult:
"It's the story of Daniel Stone, a man who grows up as the only white kid in a native Eskimo village where his mother is teaching. Because of his race, he's mercilessly teased...and he fights, lies, steals and cheat his way out of Alaska. When we meet him 15 years later, he's reinvented himself completely as a mild-mannered, quiet, stay at home dad. His wife Laura teaches Dante's inferno at a local college; his daughter Trixie is the world to him; and he gets all that old rage out on the page as a comic book artist. Or so he believes, until a single moment of violence destroys his family - and exposes the past he thought he'd hidden." .....My opinion: Another good novel by Jodi, but not my favorite. An interesting book, but didn't quite live up to my expectations. But, I'll still be waiting in line when her next book is released. I'm giving it 3.5 stars

Kiffe Kiffe Tomorrow by Faiza Guene:
"15-year-old Doria and her illiterate mother, having been abandoned by Doria's alcoholic father, are stuck in a Paris housing project called the Paradise. Throughout, the strictures of patriarchal Muslim culture clash with a nascent feminist freedom and Doria's exuberant, sophisticated teen talk. This small novel reads like a quiet celebration within a chaotic ghetto." .....My opinion: Interesting book about a 15 yr old girl's angst & reminded me a little of Million Little Pieces crossed with Kite Runner (weird blend, I know). I really enjoyed Doria's (main character) biting humor and loyalty to her mother. I'm giving this one 4 stars.

Brick Lane by Monica Ali:
"This novel chronicles the life of Nazneen, a Bangladeshi girl so sickly at birth that the midwife at first declares her stillborn. At 18 her parents arrange a marriage to Chanu, a Bengali immigrant living in England. Nazneen accepts her fate, which seems to be the main life lesson taught by the women in her family. Over the next decade-and-a-half Nazneen grows into a strong, confident woman who doesn't defy fate so much as bend it to her will. . Brick Lane combines the wide scope of a social novel about the struggles of Islamic immigrants in pre- and post-9/11 England with the intimate story of Nazneen, one of the more memorable heroines to come along in a long time." .....My opinion: I really enjoyed this book - at times it was a little slow (not English Patient movie slow) but a little slow nonetheless. For those of you, like me, who love to see the world through someone else's culture, you'll enjoy this book. I'm giving it 4.5 stars.

Tagged...

2006-07-16T19:35:00.000-05:00

I've been tagged by Kim, One More Makes Four blog, so here goes:

7 Things I Want To Do Before Dying:
Watch my children grow up
Go to grad school
be a grandparent
take a looong vacation & RV-it across America
Go on a Mediterranean cruise
See the world acknowledge & make significant changes to stop global warming
Do a mission with Heifer Int'l

7 Things I Can Not Do:
sing (stolen from Kim)
program the VCR/DVD recorder
tolerate rude behavior
listen to opera or classical music
ski
math without a calculator
tan

7 Things I Can Do:
operate power tools
home improvements & repairs
make a mean pot of soup
drive a stick shift
cry at a commercial
listen
trust my intuition

7 Things That Attracted Me To My Husband
He was a great friend (stolen from Kim)
his generosity
his honesty
his humor (which is endless, and sometimes annoying)
his childlike qualities
his loyalty
his integrity

7 Things I Say Most Often
thank you
love you
Who loves you?
give me a kiss
take one more bite
can someone let the dog(s) in/out
five more minutes

7 Books That I Love
Girl With A Pearl Earring
My Sister's Keeper
Keeping Faith
To Kill a Mockingbird
Kite Runner
The Da Vinci Code
Memoirs of a Geisha
(Shaoey and Dot - children's book)

7 Movies That I Love
Second Hand Lions
John Q
Sense and Sensibility
Remember the Titans
Finding Nemo
The Lion King
Gone With the Wind

Okay now my turn to tag.....

Beach Bums

2006-07-07T20:01:00.002-05:00

That's us - beach bums. Well, at least for the next week it will be. We leave tomorrow afternoon for the Jersey shore (not very far away, but it's still away). Today was my last summer semester final exam & vacation couldn't come soon enough - I'm looking forward to reading something that isn't science related.

I picked up the books that I had ordered from the library today, ready for some late night reading - since we all know there's no reading on the beach when you have little ones. Here's are my beach reads:

Of course I couldn't wait to get to the beach to break open Jodi Picoult's latest novel - The Tenth Circle - I started reading it last night when I was done studying. Well, I could've studied a little longer, but the book was calling my name. LOVE, LOVE, LOVE her books!

Well, I've given the key to the dog/house sitter, did the laundry, cleaned the house and dug out the beach toys. I'm ready for some rest & relaxation.

Off to pack the sunscreen....

New diet plans

2006-06-12T20:30:00.000-05:00

A little follow up to the diet assvice from my neighbor. I have enough ass over here, I just need to keep it out of the refrigerator.

A year since our referral

2006-05-28T08:25:00.000-05:00

It has been a whole year since we received our daughter's referral. I can remember so vividly getting 'the call' and anxiously waiting for her picture to appear on our computer screen. What a surreal day that was. It felt as if that day would never arrive - and here we are, a year later. I spent hours staring at Allison's picture, sneaking glimpses of her a gazillion times a day, memorizing every detail of her face (since that's all I could see amongst the two loads of laundry that she was wearing).

Even though it seems like yesterday, it feels like Allison has always been a part of our family.

referral:

now:

Family pictures

2006-05-17T22:37:00.000-05:00

Today, we did our duty as parents and got our family photos done. Anyone who knows me realizes how much a love (NOT!) getting my picture taken. But, for the sake of the kids, I did my part. The kids smiled and posed like champs (here's on of the two of them together). They are so damn cute too! Yep, I'm bragging.

Intrustive questions

2006-05-17T08:44:00.000-05:00

Nosey questions and stares have become a fact of life for our family. Last week, Allison & I met up with our buddies KatieJ and Buttons at an area mall. We were having lunch in the food court and the folks at the neighboring table felt the need to stare at the two mommies with the Asian girls (aka, us). The excessive staring made us feel uncomfortable. Good God, have these people left their house since 1952? Families are colorful. So, I felt the need to post about it.

Rarely do I venture out that I'm not asked about our daughter. Here are just a few of the regular intrusions:

Is she yours?
Did you adopt her?
Why did you adopt?
Couldn't you have your own child? (own?)
Is your son adopted too?
Is he your real child? (real?)
How much did she cost?
Did you gave to go get her?
Why China?
How come you didn't adopt an American baby, since there are so many in foster care? (I always want to answer this one with: How much time do you have?)

I realize that it's human nature to be curious (sometimes overly) with everything that's different. I also realize there are those who are socially illiterate & cross the line with their questions, and those who stare just a little to long (folks in the mall food court). However, when it's you who is at the receiving end of the intrusions, it's not always these thoughts that come to mind. I often have to stop myself from being flip (Moi, flip?), because I don't want my daughter to get any negative impressions from me about adoption. So, I'm often torn about how to handle these situations. I don't always feel ready for them - although I should be. I also don't feel the responsiblity to educate strangers about intertational adoption or our family planning. I am proud of how we built or family and I am open to discuss adoption, families, kids, infertility, fertility or whatever - but there is a time & place for these discussions & the grocery store, with my kids in tow, isn't it.

Well, on the heels of my recent discussion at the mall about intrusive questions and stares, comes Adoptive Families magazine with the article Nosey Questions. I was so anxious to read it & get some useful suggestions. The article was very helpful & here are the listed 5 tips for parents "when posed with nosey questions":

1. Remember that your child is listening not just to what you say, but the tone in which you say it.
2. Keep your responses brief and factual. (Don't spring any new information on your child in public.)
3. Use positive language and reinforce family ties. For example, say, "He is my son," "I am his mother," "They are sister and brother," "We are a real family."
4. Find out how your child feels about such public discussions, and follow her lead. (in the article it notes: "Kids' impressions change over time, so check in with your child often.")
5. Politely excuse yourself from a conversation if you or your child is uncomfortable or if you believe the question was rude or unkind. (a suggestion in the article: "I'm sorry, but we are enjoying special family time right now. I don't really have time to talk.")

Recently, I had some quiet time to myself & channel surfed my way to TLC's Little People, Big World. The episode I watched addressed how they always encounter staring when out in public. Yep, I can relate (not to the height issue, but to the staring). The 12 year old daughter spoke about her feelings on the constant staring & she was very relaxed about it and said (summarized, except for the quote): People stare a lot, because my mom is short. But, that's OK, because "she just is." She just is. Wow, these three simple words smacked me upside of the head. That is how I need to approach the staring in public - people stare because we're different, we just are. Nothing more, nothing less. We just are.

So, with my new attitude about the attention we get because we are different (we just are) and with suggestions listed in AF magazine, I feel armed (and not so dangerous) for the questions and stares.

Another milestone

2006-05-14T12:35:00.000-05:00

As a mom, I look forward to and enjoy each milestone that my kids conquer: first step, first tooth, first day of school and so on. Well, although it may not be a typical milestone, Allison has conquered another one - she has officially spent more of her life with us than she did at the SWI. I'm not quite sure why this milestone has been such a big deal to me, but it has. Sometimes I can't help but think about my daughter's life in the SWI, being one of many children fighting for affection in a less than ideal environment and waiting to get the attention that every child needs and deserves. It's not something I dwell on, but as her mother it's something that I can't forget. Thankfully, as more time passes, I think about her previous life less often; however, I still can't look at the pictures that were taken of her while in the orphanage, it's just too heart-breaking.

Every child handles/digests their environment differently, and Allison didn't thrive well in the SWI. She came from a small orphanage, which is decent for SWI standards, but she left there a weak and nervous little girl. But no longer is that the largest part of her life, she has now spent more time being rocked to sleep, having her boo-boos kissed, playing with fun toys, reading books, exploring the outdoors and being loved unconditionally. She has been our daughter for most of her life. She is now an energetic, super-silly, smart, inquisitive (nosey) typical 19 month old girl. I know that the fun-loving girl she is today is a reflection of our nearly 10 months together.

AHHHHHHHH

2006-03-25T23:09:00.000-05:00

Thank God! Finally Spring is here & we are able to hang outdoors and get fresh air. As much as I love the change of seasons, I sure do look forward to Spring. Winter can be fun, but I'm never sad when it's over - not to mention happy that I won't see another propane heating bill again for 8 months (Ouch!). The kidlets were so excited to play outside (without being bundled in 17 layers of clothing). Of course I managed to take some pictures of them playing on the swingset.

Never a dull moment

2006-03-25T22:49:00.000-05:00

Sometimes I swear my kids have battery packs hidden somewhere. They just never stop. The cruel irony is that they are overflowing with energy and I, who takes care of these two jumping beans, should have some of it. Anyway, here a few pictures of my chaos. (My son loves his magic hat & wand - but wants a "real wand" for his birthday.....I'd like one too.)

Waiting for hope

2006-03-22T09:29:00.000-05:00

Dailymotion blogged video
Adoption1
Video sent by ludo

This is a great video worth watching. I have seen this before, but it was just recently posted on a message board & I clicked on the link wanting to see it again. It has a a much stronger impact on me now that Allison is home. I see my daughter in the eyes of these kids. My heart aches. It is painful to watch, but necessary for me not to ignore it. Before Allison came home we sent a care package through Blessedkids to her SWI. The package had a disposable camera & the nannies used it to take pictures of her and her friends while she was waiting to come home. As precious as these photos are to me, I hate to look at them. Even though her SWI was fairly decent (for orphanage standards), she looked so lonely and lost - not the bright-eyed, pleasant, loving, gentle-spirited girl that I know and love. That's how I feel when watching this video - these aren't just anonymous faces anymore to me - I see my daughter and the other amazing Chinese children that I know - full of joy & sweetness, having so much to live for and so much to offer this world. I pray that these beautiful children get matched with families and get the love that they desperately deserve.

Serious conversation with a 6 year old

2006-03-21T14:03:00.000-05:00

When I was four my biological father took off. The 'out to buy milk & never came back' story was our story. This happened in 1972, prior to any child support laws or easy way of tracing him. My mom had to work many jobs to support three kids until she met my step father in 1982 - married in 1983. Anyway, last night Brent starts chatting about last names & asked how come my name before I married wasn't the same as Mom-Mom & Poppy's. "Oh boy" I thought, how do I explain this. Here's the rest of the conversation:

Me: "You know how Allison had a mommy before me?"
Brent: "Yeah, she had a China mommy."
Me: "Yes, she had a China mommy. Well, I had a daddy before Poppy. He was sick and couldn't be a good dad, so we never saw him again."
Brent: "Is he dead?"
Me: "No, he's not dead?"
Brent: "So, he's not in heaven with Daddy's mom & dad?"
Me: "No, he's not in heaven. I don't know where he lives?"
Brent: "Why was he sick?"
Me: "Well, he was sick in his head?"
Brent: "Like a headache? Did he need Tylenol?"
Me: "He didn't need Tylenol. He was a little crazy. He took drugs, remember how your school talked to you about not taking drugs? My first dad took the drugs and it made his brain sick - he didn't act normal & people call that crazy."
Brent: "OK."
Me: "If you have any questions about him, please don't be afraid to ask. And, I don't want you to worry about me or Daddy taking drugs or leaving and not coming back. That's not normal and we wouldn't do that. I don't want you to be confused or to worry."
Brent: "I'm not confused. I understand. Your first dad ate bugs and acted like a chicken."
Me: "Huh? Ate bugs? Acted like a chicken?"
Brent: "Yeah, your dad ate bugs and then he acted like a chicken - and that's crazy."
Me: "Yeah, something like that."
Brent: "Wanna see me act like a chicken?" Up from the dinner table he jumped and clucked his heart out. (How sweet is the innocence of a six year old.)

(we'll talk more about saying no to drugs, bugs and slugs later...)

Studying for my Nutrition exam

2006-02-23T11:18:00.000-05:00

Last night I was studying for an exam in my Nutrition class & eating a snack. Then I realized the comedy of it all. Do you think I was munching on carrot sticks or an apple? NOPE! Look at this delicious snack that I was gobbling down. Not exactly "nutritious" - but oh so yummy. An M&M Blizzard from Dairy Queen - full of sugar, sugar, sugar, chocolate, more sugar, food coloring and I'm sure there's milk in it, so it would classify as a dairy on the food pyramid (right?).

(I guess I haven't learned much from this class.....)

A note from the teacher

2006-02-12T19:06:00.000-05:00

Brent got his first "official" report card last week. How exciting. Our school district only gives out two report cards per year for kindergarten - so, this was our first. What I wanted to share was the letter that the school has the kids sign & it was stapled to the front of the report envelope.

This message goes far beyond how we deal with "report card time", I've been in many situations, when parents are comparing children & I just cringe. I hope to never participate (even unknowingly) in any competiveness with my children. I know all of you parents out there have seen or experienced the competitiveness with parents - it can be pretty crazy.

Not sure how original this letter is, but I thought it was blogworthy (if that's a word):

Dear Dad & Mom,
I'm bringing home a "snapshot" of myself. This picture will be a time exposure of me that's been developing during the past weeks/months. Considering my many likes and dislikes and my mood changes from day to day, I think it's a pretty good likeness of me.

When you see my "snapshot" remember this is a report about someone near and dear to you. So, please don't get too uptight if you see a blemish. I hope you will accept me as I am.

Please do not picture me as being better than all the other children. Remember that all children do not learn to talk or walk at the same time, nor do they learn math and reading at the same rate. I ask you not to compare me with my brother, sister, or the kid next door. You can set realistic goals for me, but please be careful not to push me to succeed at something that is beyond my ability.

I want you to understand that my report card is a picture of my school progress. When you meet with my teacher, you will learn many things about my life at school, even some things that might surprise you.

My teacher knows me as I am at school. You know how I am at home. The "real" me is somewhere in-between. When these two pictures become blended with acceptance and understanding, I hope my "snapshot" will be a shining portrait.

Love,
Brent